Thursday, March 12, 2009

I'm Now on Bleacher Report

What's up everyone I haven't been updating this blog in the last week because I have now moved to the Bleacher Report.

Look for me on their.

David Alen

Thursday, March 5, 2009


If anyone reads this blog (which by all my comments I presume zero do) you may not know that I live in Miami, Florida. Yes beautiful Miami, Florida, where the weather is perfect, the women are so hot they will not have sex with you, and the politicians are all Cuban and corrupt.

I am a fan of the Miami Heat and last night I was at the Suns/Heat game and this got me to thinking... Should I cheer Shaq or boo Shaq? After all he did promise a championship and he did sort of deliever (eventhough Wade did all the heavy lifting) in 2006?

So I stopped thinking and started drinking, by the end of the game I joined the rest of the fans in a very loud "Shaq you suck" chant. However I was still on the fence, until this morning when I turned on the TV and heard the comments Shaq made towards Stan Van Gundy.

First of all I've been following the Heat very closely for the past 15 years and I know when Stan Van Gundy is joking. When Van Gundy called Shaq a flopper he did it with tongue squarely in cheek. SVG meant nothing by it and I'm sure he was hoping for a playful response from The Big Cactus. What he got was a scathing diatribe from The Big Sensitive.

''One thing I really despise is a front-runner, I know for a fact he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go into the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before. I've played for him."

"Yeah, it probably was a flop, but flopping is wrong. Flopping would describe his coaching. I'm not going to let anybody take shots at me. He's a nobody to me.''

Front-runner??? Van Gundy is hardly that.

Back in 2003, Pat Riley stepped down a few days before the season and gave the head coaching duties to Stan Van Gundy. What did SVG do? He took a team that started 0-7 and led them to the second round of the playoffs! After that he took the team to the Eastern Conference Finals and was 2 mins away from leading the team to the NBA Finals. Why did the team lose? Did he panic? NO! Because Wade was hurt and Shaq was not good enough by himself to win that game.

The following season Van Gundy was pushed out the door after the Heat started 11-10. Its becoming more and more clear that the reason was not that SVG wanted to spend time with his "family" it was fat Shaq did not want to play for him and Riley had no other choice but to appease the Big Baby.

You want to talk about a front runner, Shaq should look in the mirror first before he looks anywhere else. Once he won 3 titles in L.A. the Lakers wanted nothing to do with him and they were ready to deal him. So what does Shaq do he hitches his wagon to Dwyane Wade and rides his coat tails to another championship. On the way out of L.A. he ripped Kobe, Phil, Mitch Kupchak, and some of the ball boys.

Fast-Foward to last season in the middle of what would become one of the worst in franchise history for the Miami Heat, Fat Shaq bails on the team and gets traded to the Suns. Where he thought he could win another championship but just ended up making that team worse and ran two coaches out of town. Oh and on the way out of Miami he rips everyone, Pat Riley, Chris Quinn, the training staff, the front office, and even the Heat Golden Oldies.

Shaq loves to hold a grudge and its obvious he had all these thoughts on Van Gundy for a long time SVG just made the mistake of playfully calling out Shaq. So warning to Dwyane Wade DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SHAQ!

In the end all I can say is F U FAT SHAQ!!!

TO Released by 'Boys

Wow quite the big day in sports news. These are the type of days that make ESPN execs cream in their pants.

The biggest story of course is TO released by the Cowboys.

This comes as a surprise to no one, except for TO. Who would want to play with this guy after everything he has done? He calls Jeff Garcia a fag, demands to be traded, then goes to Philly where he trashes McNabb. After that he is deactivated by the Eagles for the final 9 games of the 2005 season.

Shit all that should have been a red flag for all of the owners of the NFL. However the numbers he was putting up justified all the drama this dude brought. So who can blame Jerry Jones for taking a chance on him, the guy loves drama and attention.

What happened next? He runs Bill Parcells out of town to the point that the tuna just didn't want to coach anymore. Next he starts to complain about his lack of use during WINS!!! Not loses but when the team won he was bitching that he wasn't getting the ball enough. Cried to the media that Tony Romo was showing favoritism towards Jason Witten, that they were excluding him from the offense, and they were making secret plays in the hotel the night before games.

I've heard the whole "everyone wants the ball more speech" but TO wanted the ball thrown to him all the time regardless if it was good for the team or not. Also lets not forget that TO also has led the league in drops, so for a receiver that says he is the best, he sure has trouble catching the ball.

This past season however his mouth was writing checks that his performance just could not cash(page 33 on in my cliche book). So Jerry Jones has had enough and TO is now a former Cowboy.

I can not say I blame Jerry Jones, he is trying to open up a new billion dollar stadium next season and the last thing he needs is a player infecting that nice new locker room.

So where will TO land? I can safely say that the Anti-TO list is long and pretty strong. Already 11 teams on it and I can assume more to come. Until TO learns to control his mouth like Randy Moss did in New England teams will avoid this guy like the cancer that he is.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Video of the Day

When I was younger G.I. Joe was required viewing for me. I even watched those dumb PSAs they did after the show. Well thanks to the internet someone was able to spoof those PSAs. These videos are real old so I would say these videos were some of the first viral videos. Enjoy

Octomom Offered to be in Porn

I haven't talked about this story because its stupid. IF you haven't heard of this crazy lady her name is Nadya Suleman and the media have dubbed her "Octomom."

Basically this woman went to one of those clinics where they fill you with embryos. Then she was pregnant with 8 kids as you can see from the very disgusting picture I've included. Now here is the kicker she already has 6 other kids, so if I do the math thats like...1000 CHILDREN!!! or 14.

Well you would say "Lets hope she has plenty of support from the father" I would reply "She had the sperm donated." Then you would say "Well does she have a nice home?" "Nope." Just to shut you up she still lives with her mother and all 14 kids in a pre-foreclosed home and she is unemployed. So instead of just taking care of these kids, this nutjob is going on all the entertainment shows just to argue with her even crazier mother about what a good mother she is.... if you want more details check the whole story here.

So this just in... Vivid Entertainment (porn studio) has offered "Octomom" a million dollars to shoot a porn movie. Read the letter sent to Octo right here, courtesy of TMZ.

Jeez! Is that the answer to everything? Whenever someone gets in a scandal lets just watch them fuck and everything will go away. First it was John Bobbit, then Tonya Harding, Amy Fisher, Paris Hilton, and Screech.

Sex tapes used to be reason for scandals now sex tapes are answers to scandals. I guess next time I get arrested for something I'll give him a tape of me banging and hopefully all will be good.

Oh I just heard that someone else has to be in the tape, can't be just me and my hand...Dam too bad.

4:20 in America?

With all these recent marijuana bills getting introduced in so many state senates I would love to recap all of them but I'll let me new friends take care of it with...

Reefer Report!

Man Gets Chest Waxed Publicly

So last night here in South Florida there was an event held by a local radio station where one of their on-air hosts was to get his chest waxed because he lost a bet.

The event was held in Dania Jai-Alai in Dania, FL. The guy getting his chest waxed, Jon "Stu Gotz" Wiener (yes that is his name). He bet that the University Of Miami Hurricanes football team would not win six games, they won seven. Also I am sad to say there was almost 2,000 people there to watch, only 4 were women. Enjoy?

Selling my Junk...Err Treasures

So I'm doing my first garage sale this weekend, and I have no idea what to expect. I've spoken to a few friends about it and they all have told me the same thing. "To expect lots of people to show up" but I don't know if I've done a good job promoting this thing. Sure I put an ad up in my local paper, but has anyone seen it? I got 40 flyers sitting in my car but I have no idea where to put them up (Plus I forgot to bring tape).

Good thing the Yard Sale Queen is here!

Let me tell you that I've gone all over the net researching this thing but she has given me good tips. Such as:

"Know when the major employers in your area get paid. If you know the biggest employer in the area only pays on the 1st of the month (or whatever) then schedule your yardsale for the following Saturday. Other people have told me the same thing about waiting until after the monthly Social Security checks come out. "

Thats a good one, that's why I'm thinking of having it at the local welfare office. More great advice includes:

"When pricing items, keep in mind that "a third of what it costs new" is only a guideline. No one cares that you paid $75 for your advanced quantum physics book 10 years ago. You'll be lucky to sell it at all. Try to look at your stuff objectively. Do you really think people will be knocking down your door to get at your old t-shirts with stains on them? That's why they make good rags. If you have a bunch of items that are missing pieces or broken, put it in your FREE box with a note "broken - good for parts" or something similar. "

Hey listen queenie...I'm not giving anyone my lava lamp for anything less than $75...ok maybe $10...alright its not really a lava lamp its a twig painted with a highlighter...2 bucks?

Ok lady anything thing else?

"Use commonsense and don't prop up a nice framed picture against a rocking chair on a very windy day. No, I didn't do it but I was at a yardsale where the seller had a lot of glass shards to clean up. "

I guess I'll just throw away the huge box of glass shards I was planning on selling to kids.

Alright lets see how this thing goes this weekend I hope I dont have any scammers.

"For safety reasons, its best to have another person or persons helping you conduct your yardsale. But if you can't and have some scary looking customers, you can pretend to have someone else with you - just yell into the house "Hey Bob, bring me a soda when you get a chance". It's wise to have a cordless phone or cell phone on you (in your carpenter's apron) at all times. But don't set it down, because someone will want to buy it!"

That is great advice so I'll make sure my friends Desert Eagle and Glocky McGlockenstein help me out during the sale.
Alright I'm ready to do this!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Never Leave Us Again!

Now I'm not one to really post lots of celebrity stuff on here because that is just not my style, but this is big news.

If Conan's move to the "Tonight Show" ain't grand enough, stuff just got grander!

Andy Richter is back! And I'm glad because this guy has talent, sure he may not have hollywood looks, he may be a little portly, sometimes even if you squint your eyes a little you can see a little of porky pig.

"Andy is back.

Yes, Andy. Who left. Moved back to the Evil Empire in California. Tried his hand at a couple of sitcoms - one of 'em, per my recollection, pretty good. Learned about the cold cruel fate of cancellation.

And probably wished he'd never left in the first place...

...And has now been re-united with Conan O'Brien." Newsday

So what that he had two sitcoms on two different networks and each of them failed miserably and most of the parts he got in movies were 3rd tier roles that would only have one or two lines. I still love the guy and more importantly Conan loves the guy. Welcome back Andy. Who knows maybe you to can one day pass out giant novelty checks to unsuspecting families.

Video of the Day

Morning Wood

Once in a while I'll actually wake up before noon. So here is my Morning Wood. (Most links Not Safe For Work - NSFW)

It was fashion week in NYC last week and it finally looks like the fashion industry is starting to cater to the important demografic - Straight dudes. WWTDD (NSFW)

Its that time of year again, no not spring training, its Lindsay Lohan posing topless. Last year Lohan bared it all for New Yorker Magazine. Well this time around she poses for someone named Heidi Slimane? WHO? Who cares its Linsday sideboob!

BEYONCE NIP SLIP!!! Thats it? I've seen better nip slips at my local mall (not too sexy however)

MMA bombshell Gina Carano posed for Maxim. Hello UFC what the fuck are you waiting for? Sign her! SportsbyBrooks

Happy Wanking!


Baseball is officially back! Yea I know spring training started last week, ARod's been cycling the roids since '01, Barry Bonds and Miguel Tejada lied to congress, we found out Bud Selig makes 18 mil a year (for what?), and Joe Torre wrote a book.

However none of that shit matters anymore! Because today spring training games begin officially. That is what I love about baseball no matter what happens in the offseason all is forgiven once the games start. Yea I'm a loser I know.

Here is your MLB 2009 Spring Training schedule.

Golf is Huge!

Well its time to start paying attention to golf. Why you ask? If you don't know by now you'll never know, but Tiger Woods is back so whip out the champagne! Well at least advertisers and the PGA is celebrating already.

"Television ratings, ticket sales, media coverage and general interest in golf have declined significantly since Woods was forced to miss the second half of last season and the first 20% of 2009. The Tour remains on solid financial footing, but the worldwide recession is raising doubts about crucial sponsorship agreements for about 20 tournaments whose deals are set to expire in 2010 — including 10 from the battered automobile and financial services industries." USA TODAY.

Interest declined? That is the understatement of the month. I wouldn't say interest declined I would say golf fell into a vegatative state right after the U.S. Open last year. Does anyone remember who won the British? Does anyone know who won the FedEx Cup? Did you even know there was a FedEx Cup?

Tiger will tee off today at 2pm in the Accenture Match Play Championship. Match play means he wont be playing the course but he'll be trying to beat his opponent which is good for Tiger because this guy can intimidate Jesus. So who is Tiger's first victim? None other than Brendan Jones...WHO?

"Jones said, "I didn't fly all this way to try to lose, but if I get beat by anybody, I would like to get beat by Tiger." Chicago Tribune.

Well alright that settles that. Jones is from Australia and he has won eight Japan!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Time to Move to Jersey! (Maybe)

Well we have another marijuana bill going through another state government this time its New Jersey (can you smell that smell?)

"I've been pleasantly surprised that the overwhelming response has been positive," said state Sen. Jim Whelan, D-Atlantic, who is sponsoring the measure with Sen. Nicholas Scutiari, D-Union, Somerset Middlesex.

The New Jersey Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act would require the state Department of Health and Senior Services to issue registration cards to patients who have been diagnosed with debilitating medical conditions. They would then be allowed to keep six marijuana plants and have an ounce of marijuana in their possession.

It would also create "alternative treatment centers" that would provide marijuana to registered patients." Press of Atlantic City

Basically it would be the same deal that Southern Californians have with their dispensaries. The difference is you'll get to grow your own pot.

They voted on this bill yesterday so we should find out what happens in a few weeks. Lets hope it passes Jersey, it might be a reason to visit. I said" might" still got a chip away at that whole New Jersey sucks thing.

Monday, February 23, 2009

This Week in Entertainment

Alright you sick freaks of cinematic entertainment this article is not for you because the following information you know. This is for the normal shlub that wants to get a little stoned and watch a movie or for that dude that wants to take a chick to a movie and then hopefully it sucks enough so he can get to third base. Well your in luck because I have the info you crave.

New in Theaters this week:

Tuesday Feb. 24

"Red Sands" - Rated R - "Present-day Afghanistan. As continuing battles rage in the war-torn country, a unit of U.S. soldiers are dispatched to seize and control a strategic road that runs past an abandoned stone house. En route, the soldiers discover an ancient stone statue hidden deep within an ancient ravine. Using the relic for target practice, they destroy it, unwittingly releasing a vengeful supernatural force that is about to wage a horrifying war on them." (Wow, nothing worse than suicide bombing ghosts. THEY WILL NEVER STOP TILL WE ARE ALL DEAD!)

"On The Other Hand, Death: The Donald Strachey Mystery"- Rated R- "Donald Strachey is a gay (GAY!) private investigator who learns of a local school’s decision to chastise a lesbian teacher for speaking openly about her sexuality. Discovering that her home has been vandalized, Donald starts to look into things (butts?) and discovers there is more going on than appears on the surface." (Whoa heavy stuff, and by heavy I mean big gay balls)

"Epitaph"- NR - "1942: the Korean capital of Kyung Sung is occupied by the Japanese and the Anseng Hospital lies in the center of the city, representing the twin glories of Japanese Imperialism and western modernization. But mysterious things are happening at the hospital: An intern is bound by his parents to marry a girl whom he never met, but instead is romantically drawn to a corpse; A traumatized little girl, the lone survivor of a horrific car crash, is tortured by bloody visions and a married couple, who are doctors, desperately try to manage their colleagues’ behaviors but find themselves investigating a series of brutal murders. But as the stories unfold and obsessive loves are revealed, the hospital and its staff descend into a darker abyss which they may never return from." (When movies have long, confusing, synopsis like this one you know it sucks.)

Wednesday Feb. 25

"Examined Life" - NR - "This documentary takes a look at the manifestations of contemporary philosophy through interviews with various figures in the field, who examine these existential issues from the vantage point of lively public places, where everyday people demonstrate their views and values through the most clear and innocuous ways. Some of the guests featured in the film include Cornel West, Avital Ronell, and Peter Singer." (Documentary about

Ok on to the movies you'll probably see.

Friday Feb. 27

"Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li" - PG-13 - ""Street Fighter" is a live-action feature film based on Capcom's video game. The new film is focused on female fighter Chun Li and her journey for justice." (Remember what I said about long synopsis? Same thing for short ones)

"Crossing Over" - Rated R - "Immigrants from around the world enter Los Angeles every day, with hopeful visions of a better life, but little notion of what that life may cost. Their desperate scenarios test the humanity of immigration enforcement officers. In "Crossing Over," writer-director Wayne Kramer explores the allure of the American dream, and the reality that immigrants find - and create -- in 21st century L.A." (Nice another chance for Harrison Ford to say his money line "Get off my Country!")

"Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience" - Rated G - I'm not even writing a synopsis, you should know what this shit is about, its one of their horrible concerts shot in 3D. These guys suck so fucking much its a same to music. However no one shines a turd quiet like Disney so eventhough your kids have heard these songs a billion times...They are still going to drag you and force you to see this garbage. Sorry parents. Go fuck yourselves kids.

"The Trouble with Romance" - NR - "In "The Trouble with Romance," each story follows the inhabitants of different rooms in one hotel on the same night. In the bathroom, a young woman looking for closure has an emotional conversation with her hallucination of an ex-lover while her current lover awaits in bed. Down the hall, a husband and wife attempt to spice up their sex life, leading to unforeseen consequences. Simultaneously, a bumbling boyfriend commits the ultimate faux pas by inviting his stoner buddies to celebrate with him and his girlfriend on their special night. Moreover, in a separate suite, a young man's first encounter with a call girl teaches him why we still yearn for love despite the trouble with romance." (Sorry I entered a trance-like state while reading that so I wont read it again.)


If you dont feel like leaving your house there are over 288 DVD's being released this week. Some of my favs are:

"Schoolgirl Report Vol. 5: What all Parents should know"
"Batbabe: The Dark Nightie"
and of course "Chris and Don: A Love Story"

Alright happy viewing and remember wait till the popcorn cools off before you shove your penis in there bye bye.

The Day in Sports

Shot of the Month!

Does not get any better than that shot by Devin Harris. Until someone else hits a better shot tomorrow...

Harris finished with 39 and the Nets get passed the Sixers 98-95. Meanwhile back in Gotham little Nate Robinson comes off the bench and scores 41 to lead the Knicks in a win over the Pacers 123-119 as Will Ferrall and others watched. So far the Celtics do not seem to miss Kevin Garnett as they win again in blowout fashion 114-76 over the Denver Nuggets. Other winners Jazz, Hornets, and the Clippers.

Only two games last night featuring top 25 teams. #2 Oklahoma (w/o Blake Griffin) fell to #15 Kansas and #6 Louisville gets past Georgetown. So pretty much a light night when it comes to College Basketball.

I am starting a Name Hall of Fame and my first inductee is: Chief Kickingstallionsims. Yes that is the guy's name, he plays for Alabama State University, he is a 7'1", 265 lb, senior that scores about 9 points a game. I'm not going to rule out a pro career for this guy he had a big night last night as the ASU Hornets defeated Alcorn St. 76-71. Chief Kickingstallionsims had 16 in the effort.

Wow it must be a cold day in hell. The Florida Panthers are the topic of 4 paragraphs on Nobody in South Florida cares about the Panthers, some of the players can murder the other team on the ice they will still just be a blurb on the sports page.

Oh there was only one game in the NHL tonight the San Jose Sharks beat the Dallas Stars 1-0

Marvin Harrison asks for and will get his release from the Indianapolis Colts, saving the team six million dollars. So really win-win for both sides.

Pretty light night in sports, what you wanna fight about it?

2009 Razzies

I'm a day late on this but fuck it I'm a day late on everything, funny my professor in college used to call me "day late" now I get it HA HA HA HA!!! What a fucker. Anyway the "Razzies" were named yesterday and for those of you that have lives, the razzies are the anti-academy awards where the worst movies are nominated for being...well...the worst movies of the year.

Of course my girl Paris Hilton got a few nods for her epic tale "The Hottie and the Nottie" and Mike Myers also got some anti-love for the steaming pile of horse shit that was "The Love Guru."

2009 Razzies - Nominees and Winners

Worst Picture

Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (from the same writer-directors)
The Happening
The Hottie & The Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru

Worst Actor

Larry the Cable Guy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Al Pacino, 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg, The Happening and Max Payne
Winner: Mike Myers, The Love Guru

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba, The Eye & The Love Guru
Cast of The Women (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz, What Happens in Vegas
Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl
Winner: Paris Hilton, The Hottie & The Nottie

Worst Supporting Actor

Uwe Boll (as himself), Uwe Boll's Postal
Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru, War, Inc., and The Wackness
Burt Reynolds, Deal and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Verne Troyer, The Love Guru and Uwe Boll's Postal
Winner: Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!

Worst Supporting Actress

Carmen Electra, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Kim Kardashian, Disaster Movie
Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Leelee Sobieski, 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: Paris Hilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera

Worst Screen Couple

Uwe Boll and Any Actor, Camera, or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, What Happens in Vegas
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Winner: Paris Hilton and Either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, The Hottie and the Nottie

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel

The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good
Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Winner: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Worst Director

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam, The Hottie & the Nottie
Marco Schnabel, The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening
Winner: Uwe Boll, 1968: Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Uwe Boll's Postal

Worst Screenplay

Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and the Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru

Courtesy of

Video of the Day

This year marks 5 years since Michael Jordan retired from the NBA which means he will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Which if you ask me is an OUTRAGE! They should have waived the 5 year waiting period like they did for Wayne Gretzky. Larry Bird and Magic Johnson may have put the game on the map but MJ took it to the mainstream and made the game what it is today.

Jordan's influence can be seen everyday in today's NBA with guys like Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James emulating all of his moves. He is the reason I and millions across the world fell in love with the game. Here is a montage of some of his best dunks.

Time to Move to California! UPDATE

Well its already pretty much legal if you visit a "doctor" and get him to give you a "card" by saying you have "back problems" then you can go to dispensaries and get yourself some hippie lettuce (weed). However it looks like Californians are so lazy even that was not enough for them now they might just legalize it completely. Assemblyman Tom Ammiano is leading the way.

"Quintin Mecke, Ammiano's press secretary, confirmed to
SF Weekly that the assemblyman's 10 a.m. Monday press conference regarding "new legislation related to the state's fiscal crisis" will broach the subject of reaping untold -- and much-needed -- wealth from the state's No. 1 cash crop.

Mecke said Ammiano's proposed bill "would remove all penalties in California law on cultivation, transportation, sale, purchase, possession, or use of marijuana, natural THC, or paraphernalia for persons over the age of 21."
SF Weekly

Now if this bill passes this will mean that it will be legal on the state level. Meaning it is still federally illegal, so a local cop won't hassle you but some DEA agent might mess with your stache like they have done with local dispensaries.

But whatever California!!! You still have it better than Florida, over here if your caught with a roach you are liable to get the death penalty.

**Alright we now have video about this story that I found over at

This video is crazy it starts as an unbiased piece about the possible legalization on marijuana to save the economy. Then it takes a sharp turn and basically calls the Assemblyman gay, Obama shoots down the idea of legalization, and then they end the piece with statements from cops... Yep marijuana is never going to be legal. Sorry potheads

Mickey Rourke Was Screwed!

Yea I heard he was out with some hot piece and I bet he screwed her. Oh and he did not win the Oscar for best actor Sean Penn did for "Milk" (GAY!) and Kate Winslet took best actress.

The rest of the winners were Heath Ledger and Penelope Cruz won best supporting and "Slumdog Millionaire" won best picture.

Now if you are that much of a loser all the winners can be found here.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Night Cap

Oh yea baby, its Sunday night we got to work tomorrow and we gotta wake up early. Turn off those Oscars and lets have a Night Cap.

First I wanna turn you on baby. I got 33 Ways to do it so lay back relax and let me go to work.

Once I turn you on its time to return the favor sweety. You don't need any tricks baby, those lips are enough.

If your wondering baby, why I wanna have sweet-hot-monkey sex with you? Wonder no longer.

Don't listen to all those lies baby I'm always ready for you night and day because I'm a maniac for your loving.

Now its time baby let me turn on some music...

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

A Few Things to Check Out

If you find yourself bored with nothing to do on the internet I have a few solutions. First go look at some porn if thats not your thing then check these out.

Well it turns out some jobs are not as cool as some people make them out to be, according to Cracked Magazine. One job that will always be cool is Love Machine...Eh ladies?

From the "No Shit" department. Turns out fast-food increases your chance of stroke. Thanks University of Michigan for telling me something Family Guy has already told me. I hate it when scientists do research on obvious crap. For once I would like to see a university come out with research on something people actually care about like "Blowjobs give women everlasting life."

Shaq Twitters while dropping a deuce. Also lets not forget the Shaq-a-wockeez!

Great now everyone is coming out with their "I was mauled by a monkey" story. This shit better not become a trend. One dead monkey is all I can handle.

With all the economic problems going on now-a-days why aren't more people pissed off and marching in the streets? Well Ireland has had enough and they are taking it to the streets. Is America next?

In video game news, nerds are sore losers. That is not breaking news that is just fact, however some nerds are getting so pissed they are messing with your Xbox 360 internet connection.

In sports news the Celtics cruise by the Suns, and the Miami Heat get spanked by the Orlando Magic.

Former LA Angel Garret Anderson signs with the Atlanta Braves.

Michael Crabtree has a stress fracture in his foot, but will workout in the NFL combine then will have surgery to fix the foot. This guy is going to be a freak but he is forced to workout in this pointless exercise because if he doesn't he would lose millions of dollars. If his career gets sidetracked the NFL is to blame.

Then there is this...


That is all...Now leave me with my thoughts.

Its Oscar Night!

Everyone knows that tonight is Oscar night and by "everyone" I mean gay dudes and women that are dating gay dudes. For us straight people we really don't give a rat's ass about the show because nobody saw any of these movies and all we care about is who was nominated for what and who won? If they really wanted people to care about this show they would nominate movies that people actually saw. Who the hell saw "Frozen River" or "The Reader"? Also what the hell is "Revolutionary Road", I was too busy watching "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" 7 times.

Well since I'm good at using the Google I'm able to answer all your burning questions (for the burning sensation your getting in your pants, can't help you there). Also I will give you who I think will win.

Caution I didn't actually see any of these movies because I think movies now a days are crap. ON WITH THE PREDICTING! (my prediction in bold)

Best Actor

Richard Jenkins - "The Visitor"
Frank Langella - "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn - "Milk" (GAY!)
Brad Pitt - "Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke - "The Wrestler" People love comeback stories.

Supporting Actor

Josh Brolin - "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr - "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Doubt"
Heath Ledger - "The Dark Knight" People also love dead Actors
Michael Shannon - "Revolutionary Road"

Best Actress

Anne Hathaway - "Rachael Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie - "Changeling" I mean its about time, plus everyone hates Kate Winslet.
Melissa Leo - "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep - "Doubt" (anyone saw this movie)
Kate Winslet - "The Reader"

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams - "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz - "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Viola Davis - "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson - "Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei - "The Wrestler" I'm partial to big nipples

Best Film

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire" Because if it doesn't win I think we are going to invade India.

Oscar Nominations

Alright that's enough for one day I need to go outside and see what daylight looks like.

Get your Funyuns Ready!

The raging debate!!! Continues to rage...

"In a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey, Americans are closely divided on the question of whether marijuana should be legalized: 40% say it should be, while 46% disagree. Fourteen percent (14%) are not sure which course is better." Rasmussen Reports.

Alright 40% that's not too bad huh pot heads?

"Nearly half of men (48%) say pot should be legal in this country, but just 34% of women agree. The plurality of women (49%) oppose legalization." Rasmussen Reports.

What the fuck!!! Jeez its always women that are killing all the fun. Like this one time I was out on a date with this chick and I thought we were having a good time. I was taking her to Cabo in this nice ride I just picked up, but she was like "NOOO Please don't shoot me I'll do whatever you want!" Man I had a lot of sex that night...I did find it weird she kept wanting me to call her Jerome.

Christian Bale on "Family Guy" Uncensored

Since I'm in the tirade mood today here is the Christian Bale audio tape of him flipping out. However to make it more fun its from the "Family Guy" episode that aired a few weeks back. Its the same tape but the creators spliced in some Peter Griffin. Enjoy.

Jim Calhoun

So here is a video of Connecticut Head Basketball Coach going off on some reporter.

Happy Sunday!

Heh? Did You Say Something?

So it turns out your Ipod will make you deaf. Let me be one of the first to say...WHAT? SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER FALL OUT BOY!

"The study found that teens not only tend to play their music louder than adults but, often, are unaware of how loud they're playing it. In fact, when teens are pressured by friends or family to turn down their iPods, they do exactly what you'd expect teens to do — the opposite. " Ipod Safety

You must be joking kids always listen to adults. What are you talking about?

Personally I hope all those punk kids go deaf I'm sick of these bastards BASTARDS! This way I can cut down on the talking and go straight to the punching and the kicking.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Hottie of the Day

So today's Hottie of the Day is none other than Ines Sainz. This hottie is a "Sports Reporter" for Azteca TV in Mexico. Many of you may know her from Super Bowl Media Days. Every year she shows up and drives everyone mad...I'm sure its because of her sick broadcasting skills.


I'm on Twitter

So back in the day ( I think it was a Wednesday) I was looking for a way to stay connected to the people so I thought MySpace was a good idea which it was until they sold out. Well anyway I am now on Twitter so look me up