Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I am a fan of the Miami Heat and last night I was at the Suns/Heat game and this got me to thinking... Should I cheer Shaq or boo Shaq? After all he did promise a championship and he did sort of deliever (eventhough Wade did all the heavy lifting) in 2006?
So I stopped thinking and started drinking, by the end of the game I joined the rest of the fans in a very loud "Shaq you suck" chant. However I was still on the fence, until this morning when I turned on the TV and heard the comments Shaq made towards Stan Van Gundy.
First of all I've been following the Heat very closely for the past 15 years and I know when Stan Van Gundy is joking. When Van Gundy called Shaq a flopper he did it with tongue squarely in cheek. SVG meant nothing by it and I'm sure he was hoping for a playful response from The Big Cactus. What he got was a scathing diatribe from The Big Sensitive.
''One thing I really despise is a front-runner, I know for a fact he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go into the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before. I've played for him."
"Yeah, it probably was a flop, but flopping is wrong. Flopping would describe his coaching. I'm not going to let anybody take shots at me. He's a nobody to me.''
Front-runner??? Van Gundy is hardly that.
Back in 2003, Pat Riley stepped down a few days before the season and gave the head coaching duties to Stan Van Gundy. What did SVG do? He took a team that started 0-7 and led them to the second round of the playoffs! After that he took the team to the Eastern Conference Finals and was 2 mins away from leading the team to the NBA Finals. Why did the team lose? Did he panic? NO! Because Wade was hurt and Shaq was not good enough by himself to win that game.
The following season Van Gundy was pushed out the door after the Heat started 11-10. Its becoming more and more clear that the reason was not that SVG wanted to spend time with his "family" it was fat Shaq did not want to play for him and Riley had no other choice but to appease the Big Baby.
You want to talk about a front runner, Shaq should look in the mirror first before he looks anywhere else. Once he won 3 titles in L.A. the Lakers wanted nothing to do with him and they were ready to deal him. So what does Shaq do he hitches his wagon to Dwyane Wade and rides his coat tails to another championship. On the way out of L.A. he ripped Kobe, Phil, Mitch Kupchak, and some of the ball boys.
Fast-Foward to last season in the middle of what would become one of the worst in franchise history for the Miami Heat, Fat Shaq bails on the team and gets traded to the Suns. Where he thought he could win another championship but just ended up making that team worse and ran two coaches out of town. Oh and on the way out of Miami he rips everyone, Pat Riley, Chris Quinn, the training staff, the front office, and even the Heat Golden Oldies.
Shaq loves to hold a grudge and its obvious he had all these thoughts on Van Gundy for a long time SVG just made the mistake of playfully calling out Shaq. So warning to Dwyane Wade DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SHAQ!
In the end all I can say is F U FAT SHAQ!!!
The biggest story of course is TO released by the Cowboys.
This comes as a surprise to no one, except for TO. Who would want to play with this guy after everything he has done? He calls Jeff Garcia a fag, demands to be traded, then goes to Philly where he trashes McNabb. After that he is deactivated by the Eagles for the final 9 games of the 2005 season.
Shit all that should have been a red flag for all of the owners of the NFL. However the numbers he was putting up justified all the drama this dude brought. So who can blame Jerry Jones for taking a chance on him, the guy loves drama and attention.
What happened next? He runs Bill Parcells out of town to the point that the tuna just didn't want to coach anymore. Next he starts to complain about his lack of use during WINS!!! Not loses but when the team won he was bitching that he wasn't getting the ball enough. Cried to the media that Tony Romo was showing favoritism towards Jason Witten, that they were excluding him from the offense, and they were making secret plays in the hotel the night before games.
I've heard the whole "everyone wants the ball more speech" but TO wanted the ball thrown to him all the time regardless if it was good for the team or not. Also lets not forget that TO also has led the league in drops, so for a receiver that says he is the best, he sure has trouble catching the ball.
This past season however his mouth was writing checks that his performance just could not cash(page 33 on in my cliche book). So Jerry Jones has had enough and TO is now a former Cowboy.
I can not say I blame Jerry Jones, he is trying to open up a new billion dollar stadium next season and the last thing he needs is a player infecting that nice new locker room.
So where will TO land? I can safely say that the Anti-TO list is long and pretty strong. Already 11 teams on it and I can assume more to come. Until TO learns to control his mouth like Randy Moss did in New England teams will avoid this guy like the cancer that he is.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The event was held in Dania Jai-Alai in Dania, FL. The guy getting his chest waxed, Jon "Stu Gotz" Wiener (yes that is his name). He bet that the University Of Miami Hurricanes football team would not win six games, they won seven. Also I am sad to say there was almost 2,000 people there to watch, only 4 were women. Enjoy?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
If Conan's move to the "Tonight Show" ain't grand enough, stuff just got grander!
Andy Richter is back! And I'm glad because this guy has talent, sure he may not have hollywood looks, he may be a little portly, sometimes even if you squint your eyes a little you can see a little of porky pig.
"Andy is back.
Yes, Andy. Who left. Moved back to the Evil Empire in California. Tried his hand at a couple of sitcoms - one of 'em, per my recollection, pretty good. Learned about the cold cruel fate of cancellation.
And probably wished he'd never left in the first place...
...And has now been re-united with Conan O'Brien." Newsday
So what that he had two sitcoms on two different networks and each of them failed miserably and most of the parts he got in movies were 3rd tier roles that would only have one or two lines. I still love the guy and more importantly Conan loves the guy. Welcome back Andy. Who knows maybe you to can one day pass out giant novelty checks to unsuspecting families.
It was fashion week in NYC last week and it finally looks like the fashion industry is starting to cater to the important demografic - Straight dudes. WWTDD (NSFW)
Its that time of year again, no not spring training, its Lindsay Lohan posing topless. Last year Lohan bared it all for New Yorker Magazine. Well this time around she poses for someone named Heidi Slimane? WHO? Who cares its Linsday sideboob!
BEYONCE NIP SLIP!!! Thats it? I've seen better nip slips at my local mall (not too sexy however)
MMA bombshell Gina Carano posed for Maxim. Hello UFC what the fuck are you waiting for? Sign her! SportsbyBrooks
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Well we have another marijuana bill going through another state government this time its New Jersey (can you smell that smell?)
"I've been pleasantly surprised that the overwhelming response has been positive," said state Sen. Jim Whelan, D-Atlantic, who is sponsoring the measure with Sen. Nicholas Scutiari, D-Union, Somerset Middlesex.
The New Jersey Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act would require the state Department of Health and Senior Services to issue registration cards to patients who have been diagnosed with debilitating medical conditions. They would then be allowed to keep six marijuana plants and have an ounce of marijuana in their possession.
It would also create "alternative treatment centers" that would provide marijuana to registered patients." Press of Atlantic City
Basically it would be the same deal that Southern Californians have with their dispensaries. The difference is you'll get to grow your own pot.
They voted on this bill yesterday so we should find out what happens in a few weeks. Lets hope it passes Jersey, it might be a reason to visit. I said" might" still got a chip away at that whole New Jersey sucks thing.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Alright you sick freaks of cinematic entertainment this article is not for you because the following information you know. This is for the normal shlub that wants to get a little stoned and watch a movie or for that dude that wants to take a chick to a movie and then hopefully it sucks enough so he can get to third base. Well your in luck because I have the info you crave.
New in Theaters this week:
Tuesday Feb. 24
"Red Sands" - Rated R - "Present-day Afghanistan. As continuing battles rage in the war-torn country, a unit of U.S. soldiers are dispatched to seize and control a strategic road that runs past an abandoned stone house. En route, the soldiers discover an ancient stone statue hidden deep within an ancient ravine. Using the relic for target practice, they destroy it, unwittingly releasing a vengeful supernatural force that is about to wage a horrifying war on them." (Wow, nothing worse than suicide bombing ghosts. THEY WILL NEVER STOP TILL WE ARE ALL DEAD!)
"On The Other Hand, Death: The Donald Strachey Mystery"- Rated R- "Donald Strachey is a gay (GAY!) private investigator who learns of a local school’s decision to chastise a lesbian teacher for speaking openly about her sexuality. Discovering that her home has been vandalized, Donald starts to look into things (butts?) and discovers there is more going on than appears on the surface." (Whoa heavy stuff, and by heavy I mean big gay balls)
"Epitaph"- NR - "1942: the Korean capital of Kyung Sung is occupied by the Japanese and the Anseng Hospital lies in the center of the city, representing the twin glories of Japanese Imperialism and western modernization. But mysterious things are happening at the hospital: An intern is bound by his parents to marry a girl whom he never met, but instead is romantically drawn to a corpse; A traumatized little girl, the lone survivor of a horrific car crash, is tortured by bloody visions and a married couple, who are doctors, desperately try to manage their colleagues’ behaviors but find themselves investigating a series of brutal murders. But as the stories unfold and obsessive loves are revealed, the hospital and its staff descend into a darker abyss which they may never return from." (When movies have long, confusing, synopsis like this one you know it sucks.)
Wednesday Feb. 25
"Examined Life" - NR - "This documentary takes a look at the manifestations of contemporary philosophy through interviews with various figures in the field, who examine these existential issues from the vantage point of lively public places, where everyday people demonstrate their views and values through the most clear and innocuous ways. Some of the guests featured in the film include Cornel West, Avital Ronell, and Peter Singer." (Documentary about philosophy...fun.)
Ok on to the movies you'll probably see.
Friday Feb. 27
"Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li" - PG-13 - ""Street Fighter" is a live-action feature film based on Capcom's video game. The new film is focused on female fighter Chun Li and her journey for justice." (Remember what I said about long synopsis? Same thing for short ones)
"Crossing Over" - Rated R - "Immigrants from around the world enter Los Angeles every day, with hopeful visions of a better life, but little notion of what that life may cost. Their desperate scenarios test the humanity of immigration enforcement officers. In "Crossing Over," writer-director Wayne Kramer explores the allure of the American dream, and the reality that immigrants find - and create -- in 21st century L.A." (Nice another chance for Harrison Ford to say his money line "Get off my Country!")
"Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience" - Rated G - I'm not even writing a synopsis, you should know what this shit is about, its one of their horrible concerts shot in 3D. These guys suck so fucking much its a same to music. However no one shines a turd quiet like Disney so eventhough your kids have heard these songs a billion times...They are still going to drag you and force you to see this garbage. Sorry parents. Go fuck yourselves kids.
"The Trouble with Romance" - NR - "In "The Trouble with Romance," each story follows the inhabitants of different rooms in one hotel on the same night. In the bathroom, a young woman looking for closure has an emotional conversation with her hallucination of an ex-lover while her current lover awaits in bed. Down the hall, a husband and wife attempt to spice up their sex life, leading to unforeseen consequences. Simultaneously, a bumbling boyfriend commits the ultimate faux pas by inviting his stoner buddies to celebrate with him and his girlfriend on their special night. Moreover, in a separate suite, a young man's first encounter with a call girl teaches him why we still yearn for love despite the trouble with romance." (Sorry I entered a trance-like state while reading that so I wont read it again.)
If you dont feel like leaving your house there are over 288 DVD's being released this week. Some of my favs are:
"Schoolgirl Report Vol. 5: What all Parents should know"
"Batbabe: The Dark Nightie"
and of course "Chris and Don: A Love Story"
Alright happy viewing and remember wait till the popcorn cools off before you shove your penis in there bye bye.
Does not get any better than that shot by Devin Harris. Until someone else hits a better shot tomorrow...
Harris finished with 39 and the Nets get passed the Sixers 98-95. Meanwhile back in Gotham little Nate Robinson comes off the bench and scores 41 to lead the Knicks in a win over the Pacers 123-119 as Will Ferrall and others watched. So far the Celtics do not seem to miss Kevin Garnett as they win again in blowout fashion 114-76 over the Denver Nuggets. Other winners Jazz, Hornets, and the Clippers. NBA.com.
Only two games last night featuring top 25 teams. #2 Oklahoma (w/o Blake Griffin) fell to #15 Kansas and #6 Louisville gets past Georgetown. So pretty much a light night when it comes to College Basketball.
I am starting a Name Hall of Fame and my first inductee is: Chief Kickingstallionsims. Yes that is the guy's name, he plays for Alabama State University, he is a 7'1", 265 lb, senior that scores about 9 points a game. I'm not going to rule out a pro career for this guy he had a big night last night as the ASU Hornets defeated Alcorn St. 76-71. Chief Kickingstallionsims had 16 in the effort.
Wow it must be a cold day in hell. The Florida Panthers are the topic of 4 paragraphs on CBSsports.com. Nobody in South Florida cares about the Panthers, some of the players can murder the other team on the ice they will still just be a blurb on the sports page.
Oh there was only one game in the NHL tonight the San Jose Sharks beat the Dallas Stars 1-0
Marvin Harrison asks for and will get his release from the Indianapolis Colts, saving the team six million dollars. So really win-win for both sides.
Pretty light night in sports, what you wanna fight about it?
I'm a day late on this but fuck it I'm a day late on everything, funny my professor in college used to call me "day late" now I get it HA HA HA HA!!! What a fucker. Anyway the "Razzies" were named yesterday and for those of you that have lives, the razzies are the anti-academy awards where the worst movies are nominated for being...well...the worst movies of the year.
Of course my girl Paris Hilton got a few nods for her epic tale "The Hottie and the Nottie" and Mike Myers also got some anti-love for the steaming pile of horse shit that was "The Love Guru."
2009 Razzies - Nominees and Winners
Worst PictureDisaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (from the same writer-directors)
The Hottie & The Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru
Worst ActorLarry the Cable Guy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Al Pacino, 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg, The Happening and Max Payne
Winner: Mike Myers, The Love Guru
Worst ActressJessica Alba, The Eye & The Love Guru
Cast of The Women (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz, What Happens in Vegas
Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl
Winner: Paris Hilton, The Hottie & The Nottie
Worst Supporting ActorUwe Boll (as himself), Uwe Boll's Postal
Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru, War, Inc., and The Wackness
Burt Reynolds, Deal and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Verne Troyer, The Love Guru and Uwe Boll's Postal
Winner: Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!
Worst Supporting ActressCarmen Electra, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Kim Kardashian, Disaster Movie
Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Leelee Sobieski, 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: Paris Hilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera
Worst Screen CoupleUwe Boll and Any Actor, Camera, or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, What Happens in Vegas
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Winner: Paris Hilton and Either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, The Hottie and the Nottie
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or SequelThe Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good
Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Winner: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Worst DirectorJason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam, The Hottie & the Nottie
Marco Schnabel, The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening
Winner: Uwe Boll, 1968: Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Uwe Boll's Postal
Worst ScreenplayDisaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
The Hottie and the Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru
Courtesy of About.com
Jordan's influence can be seen everyday in today's NBA with guys like Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James emulating all of his moves. He is the reason I and millions across the world fell in love with the game. Here is a montage of some of his best dunks.
Well its already pretty much legal if you visit a "doctor" and get him to give you a "card" by saying you have "back problems" then you can go to dispensaries and get yourself some hippie lettuce (weed). However it looks like Californians are so lazy even that was not enough for them now they might just legalize it completely. Assemblyman Tom Ammiano is leading the way.
"Quintin Mecke, Ammiano's press secretary, confirmed to SF Weekly that the assemblyman's 10 a.m. Monday press conference regarding "new legislation related to the state's fiscal crisis" will broach the subject of reaping untold -- and much-needed -- wealth from the state's No. 1 cash crop.
Mecke said Ammiano's proposed bill "would remove all penalties in California law on cultivation, transportation, sale, purchase, possession, or use of marijuana, natural THC, or paraphernalia for persons over the age of 21." SF Weekly
Now if this bill passes this will mean that it will be legal on the state level. Meaning it is still federally illegal, so a local cop won't hassle you but some DEA agent might mess with your stache like they have done with local dispensaries.
But whatever California!!! You still have it better than Florida, over here if your caught with a roach you are liable to get the death penalty.
**Alright we now have video about this story that I found over at CNN.com
This video is crazy it starts as an unbiased piece about the possible legalization on marijuana to save the economy. Then it takes a sharp turn and basically calls the Assemblyman gay, Obama shoots down the idea of legalization, and then they end the piece with statements from cops... Yep marijuana is never going to be legal. Sorry potheads
Yea I heard he was out with some hot piece and I bet he screwed her. Oh and he did not win the Oscar for best actor Sean Penn did for "Milk" (GAY!) and Kate Winslet took best actress.
The rest of the winners were Heath Ledger and Penelope Cruz won best supporting and "Slumdog Millionaire" won best picture.
Now if you are that much of a loser all the winners can be found here.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Oh yea baby, its Sunday night we got to work tomorrow and we gotta wake up early. Turn off those Oscars and lets have a Night Cap.
First I wanna turn you on baby. I got 33 Ways to do it so lay back relax and let me go to work.
Once I turn you on its time to return the favor sweety. You don't need any tricks baby, those lips are enough.
If your wondering baby, why I wanna have sweet-hot-monkey sex with you? Wonder no longer.
Don't listen to all those lies baby I'm always ready for you night and day because I'm a maniac for your loving.
Now its time baby let me turn on some music...
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Well it turns out some jobs are not as cool as some people make them out to be, according to Cracked Magazine. One job that will always be cool is Love Machine...Eh ladies?
From the "No Shit" department. Turns out fast-food increases your chance of stroke. Thanks University of Michigan for telling me something Family Guy has already told me. I hate it when scientists do research on obvious crap. For once I would like to see a university come out with research on something people actually care about like "Blowjobs give women everlasting life."
Shaq Twitters while dropping a deuce. Also lets not forget the Shaq-a-wockeez!
Great now everyone is coming out with their "I was mauled by a monkey" story. This shit better not become a trend. One dead monkey is all I can handle.
With all the economic problems going on now-a-days why aren't more people pissed off and marching in the streets? Well Ireland has had enough and they are taking it to the streets. Is America next?
In video game news, nerds are sore losers. That is not breaking news that is just fact, however some nerds are getting so pissed they are messing with your Xbox 360 internet connection.
In sports news the Celtics cruise by the Suns, and the Miami Heat get spanked by the Orlando Magic. NBA.com
Former LA Angel Garret Anderson signs with the Atlanta Braves.
Michael Crabtree has a stress fracture in his foot, but will workout in the NFL combine then will have surgery to fix the foot. This guy is going to be a freak but he is forced to workout in this pointless exercise because if he doesn't he would lose millions of dollars. If his career gets sidetracked the NFL is to blame.
Then there is this...
That is all...Now leave me with my thoughts.
Everyone knows that tonight is Oscar night and by "everyone" I mean gay dudes and women that are dating gay dudes. For us straight people we really don't give a rat's ass about the show because nobody saw any of these movies and all we care about is who was nominated for what and who won? If they really wanted people to care about this show they would nominate movies that people actually saw. Who the hell saw "Frozen River" or "The Reader"? Also what the hell is "Revolutionary Road", I was too busy watching "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" 7 times.
Well since I'm good at using the Google I'm able to answer all your burning questions (for the burning sensation your getting in your pants, can't help you there). Also I will give you who I think will win.
Caution I didn't actually see any of these movies because I think movies now a days are crap. ON WITH THE PREDICTING! (my prediction in bold)
Richard Jenkins - "The Visitor"
Frank Langella - "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn - "Milk" (GAY!)
Brad Pitt - "Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke - "The Wrestler" People love comeback stories.
Josh Brolin - "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr - "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Doubt"
Heath Ledger - "The Dark Knight" People also love dead Actors
Michael Shannon - "Revolutionary Road"
Anne Hathaway - "Rachael Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie - "Changeling" I mean its about time, plus everyone hates Kate Winslet.
Melissa Leo - "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep - "Doubt" (anyone saw this movie)
Kate Winslet - "The Reader"
Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams - "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz - "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Viola Davis - "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson - "Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei - "The Wrestler" I'm partial to big nipples
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"Slumdog Millionaire" Because if it doesn't win I think we are going to invade India.
Alright that's enough for one day I need to go outside and see what daylight looks like.
The raging debate!!! Continues to rage...
"In a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey, Americans are closely divided on the question of whether marijuana should be legalized: 40% say it should be, while 46% disagree. Fourteen percent (14%) are not sure which course is better." Rasmussen Reports.
Alright 40% that's not too bad huh pot heads?
"Nearly half of men (48%) say pot should be legal in this country, but just 34% of women agree. The plurality of women (49%) oppose legalization." Rasmussen Reports.
What the fuck!!! Jeez its always women that are killing all the fun. Like this one time I was out on a date with this chick and I thought we were having a good time. I was taking her to Cabo in this nice ride I just picked up, but she was like "NOOO Please don't shoot me I'll do whatever you want!" Man I had a lot of sex that night...I did find it weird she kept wanting me to call her Jerome.
So it turns out your Ipod will make you deaf. Let me be one of the first to say...WHAT? SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER FALL OUT BOY!
"The study found that teens not only tend to play their music louder than adults but, often, are unaware of how loud they're playing it. In fact, when teens are pressured by friends or family to turn down their iPods, they do exactly what you'd expect teens to do — the opposite. " Ipod Safety
You must be joking kids always listen to adults. What are you talking about?
Personally I hope all those punk kids go deaf I'm sick of these bastards being...um BASTARDS! This way I can cut down on the talking and go straight to the punching and the kicking.