Thursday, March 12, 2009

I'm Now on Bleacher Report

What's up everyone I haven't been updating this blog in the last week because I have now moved to the Bleacher Report.

Look for me on their.

David Alen

Thursday, March 5, 2009


If anyone reads this blog (which by all my comments I presume zero do) you may not know that I live in Miami, Florida. Yes beautiful Miami, Florida, where the weather is perfect, the women are so hot they will not have sex with you, and the politicians are all Cuban and corrupt.

I am a fan of the Miami Heat and last night I was at the Suns/Heat game and this got me to thinking... Should I cheer Shaq or boo Shaq? After all he did promise a championship and he did sort of deliever (eventhough Wade did all the heavy lifting) in 2006?

So I stopped thinking and started drinking, by the end of the game I joined the rest of the fans in a very loud "Shaq you suck" chant. However I was still on the fence, until this morning when I turned on the TV and heard the comments Shaq made towards Stan Van Gundy.

First of all I've been following the Heat very closely for the past 15 years and I know when Stan Van Gundy is joking. When Van Gundy called Shaq a flopper he did it with tongue squarely in cheek. SVG meant nothing by it and I'm sure he was hoping for a playful response from The Big Cactus. What he got was a scathing diatribe from The Big Sensitive.

''One thing I really despise is a front-runner, I know for a fact he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go into the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before. I've played for him."

"Yeah, it probably was a flop, but flopping is wrong. Flopping would describe his coaching. I'm not going to let anybody take shots at me. He's a nobody to me.''

Front-runner??? Van Gundy is hardly that.

Back in 2003, Pat Riley stepped down a few days before the season and gave the head coaching duties to Stan Van Gundy. What did SVG do? He took a team that started 0-7 and led them to the second round of the playoffs! After that he took the team to the Eastern Conference Finals and was 2 mins away from leading the team to the NBA Finals. Why did the team lose? Did he panic? NO! Because Wade was hurt and Shaq was not good enough by himself to win that game.

The following season Van Gundy was pushed out the door after the Heat started 11-10. Its becoming more and more clear that the reason was not that SVG wanted to spend time with his "family" it was fat Shaq did not want to play for him and Riley had no other choice but to appease the Big Baby.

You want to talk about a front runner, Shaq should look in the mirror first before he looks anywhere else. Once he won 3 titles in L.A. the Lakers wanted nothing to do with him and they were ready to deal him. So what does Shaq do he hitches his wagon to Dwyane Wade and rides his coat tails to another championship. On the way out of L.A. he ripped Kobe, Phil, Mitch Kupchak, and some of the ball boys.

Fast-Foward to last season in the middle of what would become one of the worst in franchise history for the Miami Heat, Fat Shaq bails on the team and gets traded to the Suns. Where he thought he could win another championship but just ended up making that team worse and ran two coaches out of town. Oh and on the way out of Miami he rips everyone, Pat Riley, Chris Quinn, the training staff, the front office, and even the Heat Golden Oldies.

Shaq loves to hold a grudge and its obvious he had all these thoughts on Van Gundy for a long time SVG just made the mistake of playfully calling out Shaq. So warning to Dwyane Wade DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SHAQ!

In the end all I can say is F U FAT SHAQ!!!

TO Released by 'Boys

Wow quite the big day in sports news. These are the type of days that make ESPN execs cream in their pants.

The biggest story of course is TO released by the Cowboys.

This comes as a surprise to no one, except for TO. Who would want to play with this guy after everything he has done? He calls Jeff Garcia a fag, demands to be traded, then goes to Philly where he trashes McNabb. After that he is deactivated by the Eagles for the final 9 games of the 2005 season.

Shit all that should have been a red flag for all of the owners of the NFL. However the numbers he was putting up justified all the drama this dude brought. So who can blame Jerry Jones for taking a chance on him, the guy loves drama and attention.

What happened next? He runs Bill Parcells out of town to the point that the tuna just didn't want to coach anymore. Next he starts to complain about his lack of use during WINS!!! Not loses but when the team won he was bitching that he wasn't getting the ball enough. Cried to the media that Tony Romo was showing favoritism towards Jason Witten, that they were excluding him from the offense, and they were making secret plays in the hotel the night before games.

I've heard the whole "everyone wants the ball more speech" but TO wanted the ball thrown to him all the time regardless if it was good for the team or not. Also lets not forget that TO also has led the league in drops, so for a receiver that says he is the best, he sure has trouble catching the ball.

This past season however his mouth was writing checks that his performance just could not cash(page 33 on in my cliche book). So Jerry Jones has had enough and TO is now a former Cowboy.

I can not say I blame Jerry Jones, he is trying to open up a new billion dollar stadium next season and the last thing he needs is a player infecting that nice new locker room.

So where will TO land? I can safely say that the Anti-TO list is long and pretty strong. Already 11 teams on it and I can assume more to come. Until TO learns to control his mouth like Randy Moss did in New England teams will avoid this guy like the cancer that he is.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Video of the Day

When I was younger G.I. Joe was required viewing for me. I even watched those dumb PSAs they did after the show. Well thanks to the internet someone was able to spoof those PSAs. These videos are real old so I would say these videos were some of the first viral videos. Enjoy

Octomom Offered to be in Porn

I haven't talked about this story because its stupid. IF you haven't heard of this crazy lady her name is Nadya Suleman and the media have dubbed her "Octomom."

Basically this woman went to one of those clinics where they fill you with embryos. Then she was pregnant with 8 kids as you can see from the very disgusting picture I've included. Now here is the kicker she already has 6 other kids, so if I do the math thats like...1000 CHILDREN!!! or 14.

Well you would say "Lets hope she has plenty of support from the father" I would reply "She had the sperm donated." Then you would say "Well does she have a nice home?" "Nope." Just to shut you up she still lives with her mother and all 14 kids in a pre-foreclosed home and she is unemployed. So instead of just taking care of these kids, this nutjob is going on all the entertainment shows just to argue with her even crazier mother about what a good mother she is.... if you want more details check the whole story here.

So this just in... Vivid Entertainment (porn studio) has offered "Octomom" a million dollars to shoot a porn movie. Read the letter sent to Octo right here, courtesy of TMZ.

Jeez! Is that the answer to everything? Whenever someone gets in a scandal lets just watch them fuck and everything will go away. First it was John Bobbit, then Tonya Harding, Amy Fisher, Paris Hilton, and Screech.

Sex tapes used to be reason for scandals now sex tapes are answers to scandals. I guess next time I get arrested for something I'll give him a tape of me banging and hopefully all will be good.

Oh I just heard that someone else has to be in the tape, can't be just me and my hand...Dam too bad.

4:20 in America?

With all these recent marijuana bills getting introduced in so many state senates I would love to recap all of them but I'll let me new friends take care of it with...

Reefer Report!

Man Gets Chest Waxed Publicly

So last night here in South Florida there was an event held by a local radio station where one of their on-air hosts was to get his chest waxed because he lost a bet.

The event was held in Dania Jai-Alai in Dania, FL. The guy getting his chest waxed, Jon "Stu Gotz" Wiener (yes that is his name). He bet that the University Of Miami Hurricanes football team would not win six games, they won seven. Also I am sad to say there was almost 2,000 people there to watch, only 4 were women. Enjoy?