Buzz Hates My Blog

I'm Now on Bleacher Report

2009-03-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

What's up everyone I haven't been updating this blog in the last week because I have now moved to the Bleacher Report.

Look for me on their.

David Alen

F U FAT SHAQ!

2009-03-05T17:39:00.000-08:00

If anyone reads this blog (which by all my comments I presume zero do) you may not know that I live in Miami, Florida. Yes beautiful Miami, Florida, where the weather is perfect, the women are so hot they will not have sex with you, and the politicians are all Cuban and corrupt.

I am a fan of the Miami Heat and last night I was at the Suns/Heat game and this got me to thinking... Should I cheer Shaq or boo Shaq? After all he did promise a championship and he did sort of deliever (eventhough Wade did all the heavy lifting) in 2006?

So I stopped thinking and started drinking, by the end of the game I joined the rest of the fans in a very loud "Shaq you suck" chant. However I was still on the fence, until this morning when I turned on the TV and heard the comments Shaq made towards Stan Van Gundy.

First of all I've been following the Heat very closely for the past 15 years and I know when Stan Van Gundy is joking. When Van Gundy called Shaq a flopper he did it with tongue squarely in cheek. SVG meant nothing by it and I'm sure he was hoping for a playful response from The Big Cactus. What he got was a scathing diatribe from The Big Sensitive.

''One thing I really despise is a front-runner, I know for a fact he's a master of panic, and when it gets time for his team to go into the postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic. I've been there before. I've played for him."

"Yeah, it probably was a flop, but flopping is wrong. Flopping would describe his coaching. I'm not going to let anybody take shots at me. He's a nobody to me.''

Front-runner??? Van Gundy is hardly that.

Back in 2003, Pat Riley stepped down a few days before the season and gave the head coaching duties to Stan Van Gundy. What did SVG do? He took a team that started 0-7 and led them to the second round of the playoffs! After that he took the team to the Eastern Conference Finals and was 2 mins away from leading the team to the NBA Finals. Why did the team lose? Did he panic? NO! Because Wade was hurt and Shaq was not good enough by himself to win that game.

The following season Van Gundy was pushed out the door after the Heat started 11-10. Its becoming more and more clear that the reason was not that SVG wanted to spend time with his "family" it was fat Shaq did not want to play for him and Riley had no other choice but to appease the Big Baby.

You want to talk about a front runner, Shaq should look in the mirror first before he looks anywhere else. Once he won 3 titles in L.A. the Lakers wanted nothing to do with him and they were ready to deal him. So what does Shaq do he hitches his wagon to Dwyane Wade and rides his coat tails to another championship. On the way out of L.A. he ripped Kobe, Phil, Mitch Kupchak, and some of the ball boys.

Fast-Foward to last season in the middle of what would become one of the worst in franchise history for the Miami Heat, Fat Shaq bails on the team and gets traded to the Suns. Where he thought he could win another championship but just ended up making that team worse and ran two coaches out of town. Oh and on the way out of Miami he rips everyone, Pat Riley, Chris Quinn, the training staff, the front office, and even the Heat Golden Oldies.

Shaq loves to hold a grudge and its obvious he had all these thoughts on Van Gundy for a long time SVG just made the mistake of playfully calling out Shaq. So warning to Dwyane Wade DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SHAQ!

In the end all I can say is F U FAT SHAQ!!!

TO Released by 'Boys

2009-03-05T13:22:00.000-08:00

Wow quite the big day in sports news. These are the type of days that make ESPN execs cream in their pants.

The biggest story of course is TO released by the Cowboys.

This comes as a surprise to no one, except for TO. Who would want to play with this guy after everything he has done? He calls Jeff Garcia a fag, demands to be traded, then goes to Philly where he trashes McNabb. After that he is deactivated by the Eagles for the final 9 games of the 2005 season.

Shit all that should have been a red flag for all of the owners of the NFL. However the numbers he was putting up justified all the drama this dude brought. So who can blame Jerry Jones for taking a chance on him, the guy loves drama and attention.

What happened next? He runs Bill Parcells out of town to the point that the tuna just didn't want to coach anymore. Next he starts to complain about his lack of use during WINS!!! Not loses but when the team won he was bitching that he wasn't getting the ball enough. Cried to the media that Tony Romo was showing favoritism towards Jason Witten, that they were excluding him from the offense, and they were making secret plays in the hotel the night before games.

I've heard the whole "everyone wants the ball more speech" but TO wanted the ball thrown to him all the time regardless if it was good for the team or not. Also lets not forget that TO also has led the league in drops, so for a receiver that says he is the best, he sure has trouble catching the ball.

This past season however his mouth was writing checks that his performance just could not cash(page 33 on in my cliche book). So Jerry Jones has had enough and TO is now a former Cowboy.

I can not say I blame Jerry Jones, he is trying to open up a new billion dollar stadium next season and the last thing he needs is a player infecting that nice new locker room.

So where will TO land? I can safely say that the Anti-TO list is long and pretty strong. Already 11 teams on it and I can assume more to come. Until TO learns to control his mouth like Randy Moss did in New England teams will avoid this guy like the cancer that he is.

Video of the Day

2009-02-26T20:16:00.001-08:00

When I was younger G.I. Joe was required viewing for me. I even watched those dumb PSAs they did after the show. Well thanks to the internet someone was able to spoof those PSAs. These videos are real old so I would say these videos were some of the first viral videos. Enjoy

Octomom Offered to be in Porn

2009-02-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked about this story because its stupid. IF you haven't heard of this crazy lady her name is Nadya Suleman and the media have dubbed her "Octomom."

Basically this woman went to one of those clinics where they fill you with embryos. Then she was pregnant with 8 kids as you can see from the very disgusting picture I've included. Now here is the kicker she already has 6 other kids, so if I do the math thats like...1000 CHILDREN!!! or 14.

Well you would say "Lets hope she has plenty of support from the father" I would reply "She had the sperm donated." Then you would say "Well does she have a nice home?" "Nope." Just to shut you up she still lives with her mother and all 14 kids in a pre-foreclosed home and she is unemployed. So instead of just taking care of these kids, this nutjob is going on all the entertainment shows just to argue with her even crazier mother about what a good mother she is.... if you want more details check the whole story here.

So this just in... Vivid Entertainment (porn studio) has offered "Octomom" a million dollars to shoot a porn movie. Read the letter sent to Octo right here, courtesy of TMZ.

Jeez! Is that the answer to everything? Whenever someone gets in a scandal lets just watch them fuck and everything will go away. First it was John Bobbit, then Tonya Harding, Amy Fisher, Paris Hilton, and Screech.

Sex tapes used to be reason for scandals now sex tapes are answers to scandals. I guess next time I get arrested for something I'll give him a tape of me banging and hopefully all will be good.

Oh I just heard that someone else has to be in the tape, can't be just me and my hand...Dam too bad.

4:20 in America?

2009-02-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

With all these recent marijuana bills getting introduced in so many state senates I would love to recap all of them but I'll let me new friends take care of it with...

Reefer Report!

Man Gets Chest Waxed Publicly

2009-02-26T17:59:00.000-08:00

So last night here in South Florida there was an event held by a local radio station where one of their on-air hosts was to get his chest waxed because he lost a bet.

The event was held in Dania Jai-Alai in Dania, FL. The guy getting his chest waxed, Jon "Stu Gotz" Wiener (yes that is his name). He bet that the University Of Miami Hurricanes football team would not win six games, they won seven. Also I am sad to say there was almost 2,000 people there to watch, only 4 were women. Enjoy?

Selling my Junk...Err Treasures

2009-02-26T16:10:00.000-08:00

So I'm doing my first garage sale this weekend, and I have no idea what to expect. I've spoken to a few friends about it and they all have told me the same thing. "To expect lots of people to show up" but I don't know if I've done a good job promoting this thing. Sure I put an ad up in my local paper, but has anyone seen it? I got 40 flyers sitting in my car but I have no idea where to put them up (Plus I forgot to bring tape).

Good thing the Yard Sale Queen is here!

Let me tell you that I've gone all over the net researching this thing but she has given me good tips. Such as:

"Know when the major employers in your area get paid. If you know the biggest employer in the area only pays on the 1st of the month (or whatever) then schedule your yardsale for the following Saturday. Other people have told me the same thing about waiting until after the monthly Social Security checks come out. "

Thats a good one, that's why I'm thinking of having it at the local welfare office. More great advice includes:

"When pricing items, keep in mind that "a third of what it costs new" is only a guideline. No one cares that you paid $75 for your advanced quantum physics book 10 years ago. You'll be lucky to sell it at all. Try to look at your stuff objectively. Do you really think people will be knocking down your door to get at your old t-shirts with stains on them? That's why they make good rags. If you have a bunch of items that are missing pieces or broken, put it in your FREE box with a note "broken - good for parts" or something similar. "

Hey listen queenie...I'm not giving anyone my lava lamp for anything less than $75...ok maybe $10...alright its not really a lava lamp its a twig painted with a highlighter...2 bucks?

Ok lady anything thing else?

"Use commonsense and don't prop up a nice framed picture against a rocking chair on a very windy day. No, I didn't do it but I was at a yardsale where the seller had a lot of glass shards to clean up. "

I guess I'll just throw away the huge box of glass shards I was planning on selling to kids.

Alright lets see how this thing goes this weekend I hope I dont have any scammers.

"For safety reasons, its best to have another person or persons helping you conduct your yardsale. But if you can't and have some scary looking customers, you can pretend to have someone else with you - just yell into the house "Hey Bob, bring me a soda when you get a chance". It's wise to have a cordless phone or cell phone on you (in your carpenter's apron) at all times. But don't set it down, because someone will want to buy it!"

That is great advice so I'll make sure my friends Desert Eagle and Glocky McGlockenstein help me out during the sale.

Alright I'm ready to do this!

Never Leave Us Again!

2009-02-25T13:53:00.000-08:00

Now I'm not one to really post lots of celebrity stuff on here because that is just not my style, but this is big news.

If Conan's move to the "Tonight Show" ain't grand enough, stuff just got grander!

Andy Richter is back! And I'm glad because this guy has talent, sure he may not have hollywood looks, he may be a little portly, sometimes even if you squint your eyes a little you can see a little of porky pig.

"Andy is back.

Yes, Andy. Who left. Moved back to the Evil Empire in California. Tried his hand at a couple of sitcoms - one of 'em, per my recollection, pretty good. Learned about the cold cruel fate of cancellation.

And probably wished he'd never left in the first place...

...And has now been re-united with Conan O'Brien." Newsday

So what that he had two sitcoms on two different networks and each of them failed miserably and most of the parts he got in movies were 3rd tier roles that would only have one or two lines. I still love the guy and more importantly Conan loves the guy. Welcome back Andy. Who knows maybe you to can one day pass out giant novelty checks to unsuspecting families.

Video of the Day

2009-02-25T13:41:00.000-08:00

Morning Wood

2009-02-25T05:20:00.000-08:00

Once in a while I'll actually wake up before noon. So here is my Morning Wood. (Most links Not Safe For Work - NSFW)

It was fashion week in NYC last week and it finally looks like the fashion industry is starting to cater to the important demografic - Straight dudes. WWTDD (NSFW)

Its that time of year again, no not spring training, its Lindsay Lohan posing topless. Last year Lohan bared it all for New Yorker Magazine. Well this time around she poses for someone named Heidi Slimane? WHO? Who cares its Linsday sideboob!

BEYONCE NIP SLIP!!! Thats it? I've seen better nip slips at my local mall (not too sexy however)

MMA bombshell Gina Carano posed for Maxim. Hello UFC what the fuck are you waiting for? Sign her! SportsbyBrooks

Happy Wanking!

Woo-Hoo!!!

2009-02-25T04:23:00.000-08:00

Baseball is officially back! Yea I know spring training started last week, ARod's been cycling the roids since '01, Barry Bonds and Miguel Tejada lied to congress, we found out Bud Selig makes 18 mil a year (for what?), and Joe Torre wrote a book.

However none of that shit matters anymore! Because today spring training games begin officially. That is what I love about baseball no matter what happens in the offseason all is forgiven once the games start. Yea I'm a loser I know.

Here is your MLB 2009 Spring Training schedule.

Golf is Huge!

2009-02-25T02:14:00.000-08:00

Well its time to start paying attention to golf. Why you ask? If you don't know by now you'll never know, but Tiger Woods is back so whip out the champagne! Well at least advertisers and the PGA is celebrating already.

"Television ratings, ticket sales, media coverage and general interest in golf have declined significantly since Woods was forced to miss the second half of last season and the first 20% of 2009. The Tour remains on solid financial footing, but the worldwide recession is raising doubts about crucial sponsorship agreements for about 20 tournaments whose deals are set to expire in 2010 — including 10 from the battered automobile and financial services industries." USA TODAY.

Interest declined? That is the understatement of the month. I wouldn't say interest declined I would say golf fell into a vegatative state right after the U.S. Open last year. Does anyone remember who won the British? Does anyone know who won the FedEx Cup? Did you even know there was a FedEx Cup?

Tiger will tee off today at 2pm in the Accenture Match Play Championship. Match play means he wont be playing the course but he'll be trying to beat his opponent which is good for Tiger because this guy can intimidate Jesus. So who is Tiger's first victim? None other than Brendan Jones...WHO?

"Jones said, "I didn't fly all this way to try to lose, but if I get beat by anybody, I would like to get beat by Tiger." Chicago Tribune.

Well alright that settles that. Jones is from Australia and he has won eight tournaments...in Japan!

Time to Move to Jersey! (Maybe)

2009-02-24T00:15:00.000-08:00

Well we have another marijuana bill going through another state government this time its New Jersey (can you smell that smell?)

"I've been pleasantly surprised that the overwhelming response has been positive," said state Sen. Jim Whelan, D-Atlantic, who is sponsoring the measure with Sen. Nicholas Scutiari, D-Union, Somerset Middlesex.

The New Jersey Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act would require the state Department of Health and Senior Services to issue registration cards to patients who have been diagnosed with debilitating medical conditions. They would then be allowed to keep six marijuana plants and have an ounce of marijuana in their possession.

It would also create "alternative treatment centers" that would provide marijuana to registered patients." Press of Atlantic City

Basically it would be the same deal that Southern Californians have with their dispensaries. The difference is you'll get to grow your own pot.

They voted on this bill yesterday so we should find out what happens in a few weeks. Lets hope it passes Jersey, it might be a reason to visit. I said" might" still got a chip away at that whole New Jersey sucks thing.

This Week in Entertainment

2009-02-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

Alright you sick freaks of cinematic entertainment this article is not for you because the following information you know. This is for the normal shlub that wants to get a little stoned and watch a movie or for that dude that wants to take a chick to a movie and then hopefully it sucks enough so he can get to third base. Well your in luck because I have the info you crave.

New in Theaters this week:

Tuesday Feb. 24

"Red Sands" - Rated R - "Present-day Afghanistan. As continuing battles rage in the war-torn country, a unit of U.S. soldiers are dispatched to seize and control a strategic road that runs past an abandoned stone house. En route, the soldiers discover an ancient stone statue hidden deep within an ancient ravine. Using the relic for target practice, they destroy it, unwittingly releasing a vengeful supernatural force that is about to wage a horrifying war on them." (Wow, nothing worse than suicide bombing ghosts. THEY WILL NEVER STOP TILL WE ARE ALL DEAD!)

"On The Other Hand, Death: The Donald Strachey Mystery"- Rated R- "Donald Strachey is a gay (GAY!) private investigator who learns of a local school’s decision to chastise a lesbian teacher for speaking openly about her sexuality. Discovering that her home has been vandalized, Donald starts to look into things (butts?) and discovers there is more going on than appears on the surface." (Whoa heavy stuff, and by heavy I mean big gay balls)

"Epitaph"- NR - "1942: the Korean capital of Kyung Sung is occupied by the Japanese and the Anseng Hospital lies in the center of the city, representing the twin glories of Japanese Imperialism and western modernization. But mysterious things are happening at the hospital: An intern is bound by his parents to marry a girl whom he never met, but instead is romantically drawn to a corpse; A traumatized little girl, the lone survivor of a horrific car crash, is tortured by bloody visions and a married couple, who are doctors, desperately try to manage their colleagues’ behaviors but find themselves investigating a series of brutal murders. But as the stories unfold and obsessive loves are revealed, the hospital and its staff descend into a darker abyss which they may never return from." (When movies have long, confusing, synopsis like this one you know it sucks.)

Wednesday Feb. 25

"Examined Life" - NR - "This documentary takes a look at the manifestations of contemporary philosophy through interviews with various figures in the field, who examine these existential issues from the vantage point of lively public places, where everyday people demonstrate their views and values through the most clear and innocuous ways. Some of the guests featured in the film include Cornel West, Avital Ronell, and Peter Singer." (Documentary about philosophy...fun.)

Ok on to the movies you'll probably see.

Friday Feb. 27

"Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li" - PG-13 - ""Street Fighter" is a live-action feature film based on Capcom's video game. The new film is focused on female fighter Chun Li and her journey for justice." (Remember what I said about long synopsis? Same thing for short ones)

"Crossing Over" - Rated R - "Immigrants from around the world enter Los Angeles every day, with hopeful visions of a better life, but little notion of what that life may cost. Their desperate scenarios test the humanity of immigration enforcement officers. In "Crossing Over," writer-director Wayne Kramer explores the allure of the American dream, and the reality that immigrants find - and create -- in 21st century L.A." (Nice another chance for Harrison Ford to say his money line "Get off my Country!")

"Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience" - Rated G - I'm not even writing a synopsis, you should know what this shit is about, its one of their horrible concerts shot in 3D. These guys suck so fucking much its a same to music. However no one shines a turd quiet like Disney so eventhough your kids have heard these songs a billion times...They are still going to drag you and force you to see this garbage. Sorry parents. Go fuck yourselves kids.

"The Trouble with Romance" - NR - "In "The Trouble with Romance," each story follows the inhabitants of different rooms in one hotel on the same night. In the bathroom, a young woman looking for closure has an emotional conversation with her hallucination of an ex-lover while her current lover awaits in bed. Down the hall, a husband and wife attempt to spice up their sex life, leading to unforeseen consequences. Simultaneously, a bumbling boyfriend commits the ultimate faux pas by inviting his stoner buddies to celebrate with him and his girlfriend on their special night. Moreover, in a separate suite, a young man's first encounter with a call girl teaches him why we still yearn for love despite the trouble with romance." (Sorry I entered a trance-like state while reading that so I wont read it again.)

MovieWeb

If you dont feel like leaving your house there are over 288 DVD's being released this week. Some of my favs are:

"Schoolgirl Report Vol. 5: What all Parents should know"
"Batbabe: The Dark Nightie"
and of course "Chris and Don: A Love Story"

Alright happy viewing and remember wait till the popcorn cools off before you shove your penis in there bye bye.

The Day in Sports

2009-02-23T21:48:00.000-08:00

Shot of the Month!

Does not get any better than that shot by Devin Harris. Until someone else hits a better shot tomorrow...

Harris finished with 39 and the Nets get passed the Sixers 98-95. Meanwhile back in Gotham little Nate Robinson comes off the bench and scores 41 to lead the Knicks in a win over the Pacers 123-119 as Will Ferrall and others watched. So far the Celtics do not seem to miss Kevin Garnett as they win again in blowout fashion 114-76 over the Denver Nuggets. Other winners Jazz, Hornets, and the Clippers. NBA.com.

Only two games last night featuring top 25 teams. #2 Oklahoma (w/o Blake Griffin) fell to #15 Kansas and #6 Louisville gets past Georgetown. So pretty much a light night when it comes to College Basketball.

I am starting a Name Hall of Fame and my first inductee is: Chief Kickingstallionsims. Yes that is the guy's name, he plays for Alabama State University, he is a 7'1", 265 lb, senior that scores about 9 points a game. I'm not going to rule out a pro career for this guy he had a big night last night as the ASU Hornets defeated Alcorn St. 76-71. Chief Kickingstallionsims had 16 in the effort.

Wow it must be a cold day in hell. The Florida Panthers are the topic of 4 paragraphs on CBSsports.com. Nobody in South Florida cares about the Panthers, some of the players can murder the other team on the ice they will still just be a blurb on the sports page.

Oh there was only one game in the NHL tonight the San Jose Sharks beat the Dallas Stars 1-0

Marvin Harrison asks for and will get his release from the Indianapolis Colts, saving the team six million dollars. So really win-win for both sides.

Pretty light night in sports, what you wanna fight about it?

2009 Razzies

2009-02-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

I'm a day late on this but fuck it I'm a day late on everything, funny my professor in college used to call me "day late" now I get it HA HA HA HA!!! What a fucker. Anyway the "Razzies" were named yesterday and for those of you that have lives, the razzies are the anti-academy awards where the worst movies are nominated for being...well...the worst movies of the year.

Of course my girl Paris Hilton got a few nods for her epic tale "The Hottie and the Nottie" and Mike Myers also got some anti-love for the steaming pile of horse shit that was "The Love Guru."

2009 Razzies - Nominees and Winners

Worst Picture

Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (from the same writer-directors)
The Happening
The Hottie & The Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru

Worst Actor

Larry the Cable Guy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Al Pacino, 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg, The Happening and Max Payne
Winner: Mike Myers, The Love Guru

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba, The Eye & The Love Guru
Cast of The Women (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz, What Happens in Vegas
Kate Hudson, Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl
Winner: Paris Hilton, The Hottie & The Nottie

Worst Supporting Actor

Uwe Boll (as himself), Uwe Boll's Postal
Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru, War, Inc., and The Wackness
Burt Reynolds, Deal and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Verne Troyer, The Love Guru and Uwe Boll's Postal
Winner: Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!

Worst Supporting Actress

Carmen Electra, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Kim Kardashian, Disaster Movie
Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Leelee Sobieski, 88 Minutes and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: Paris Hilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera

Worst Screen Couple

Uwe Boll and Any Actor, Camera, or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, What Happens in Vegas
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, Witless Protection
Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave
Winner: Paris Hilton and Either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, The Hottie and the Nottie

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel

The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good
Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Speed Racer
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Winner: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Worst Director

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Tom Putnam, The Hottie & the Nottie
Marco Schnabel, The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening
Winner: Uwe Boll, 1968: Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Uwe Boll's Postal

Worst Screenplay

Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
The Happening
The Hottie and the Nottie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Winner: The Love Guru

Courtesy of About.com

Video of the Day

2009-02-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

This year marks 5 years since Michael Jordan retired from the NBA which means he will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Which if you ask me is an OUTRAGE! They should have waived the 5 year waiting period like they did for Wayne Gretzky. Larry Bird and Magic Johnson may have put the game on the map but MJ took it to the mainstream and made the game what it is today.

Jordan's influence can be seen everyday in today's NBA with guys like Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James emulating all of his moves. He is the reason I and millions across the world fell in love with the game. Here is a montage of some of his best dunks.

Time to Move to California! UPDATE

2009-02-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

Well its already pretty much legal if you visit a "doctor" and get him to give you a "card" by saying you have "back problems" then you can go to dispensaries and get yourself some hippie lettuce (weed). However it looks like Californians are so lazy even that was not enough for them now they might just legalize it completely. Assemblyman Tom Ammiano is leading the way.

"Quintin Mecke, Ammiano's press secretary, confirmed to SF Weekly that the assemblyman's 10 a.m. Monday press conference regarding "new legislation related to the state's fiscal crisis" will broach the subject of reaping untold -- and much-needed -- wealth from the state's No. 1 cash crop.

Mecke said Ammiano's proposed bill "would remove all penalties in California law on cultivation, transportation, sale, purchase, possession, or use of marijuana, natural THC, or paraphernalia for persons over the age of 21." SF Weekly

Now if this bill passes this will mean that it will be legal on the state level. Meaning it is still federally illegal, so a local cop won't hassle you but some DEA agent might mess with your stache like they have done with local dispensaries.

But whatever California!!! You still have it better than Florida, over here if your caught with a roach you are liable to get the death penalty.

**Alright we now have video about this story that I found over at CNN.com

This video is crazy it starts as an unbiased piece about the possible legalization on marijuana to save the economy. Then it takes a sharp turn and basically calls the Assemblyman gay, Obama shoots down the idea of legalization, and then they end the piece with statements from cops... Yep marijuana is never going to be legal. Sorry potheads

Mickey Rourke Was Screwed!

2009-02-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

Yea I heard he was out with some hot piece and I bet he screwed her. Oh and he did not win the Oscar for best actor Sean Penn did for "Milk" (GAY!) and Kate Winslet took best actress.

The rest of the winners were Heath Ledger and Penelope Cruz won best supporting and "Slumdog Millionaire" won best picture.

Now if you are that much of a loser all the winners can be found here.

Night Cap

2009-02-22T18:39:00.000-08:00

Oh yea baby, its Sunday night we got to work tomorrow and we gotta wake up early. Turn off those Oscars and lets have a Night Cap.

First I wanna turn you on baby. I got 33 Ways to do it so lay back relax and let me go to work.

Once I turn you on its time to return the favor sweety. You don't need any tricks baby, those lips are enough.

If your wondering baby, why I wanna have sweet-hot-monkey sex with you? Wonder no longer.

Don't listen to all those lies baby I'm always ready for you night and day because I'm a maniac for your loving.

Now its time baby let me turn on some music...

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

A Few Things to Check Out

2009-02-22T16:26:00.000-08:00

If you find yourself bored with nothing to do on the internet I have a few solutions. First go look at some porn if thats not your thing then check these out.

Well it turns out some jobs are not as cool as some people make them out to be, according to Cracked Magazine. One job that will always be cool is Love Machine...Eh ladies?

From the "No Shit" department. Turns out fast-food increases your chance of stroke. Thanks University of Michigan for telling me something Family Guy has already told me. I hate it when scientists do research on obvious crap. For once I would like to see a university come out with research on something people actually care about like "Blowjobs give women everlasting life."

Shaq Twitters while dropping a deuce. Also lets not forget the Shaq-a-wockeez!

Great now everyone is coming out with their "I was mauled by a monkey" story. This shit better not become a trend. One dead monkey is all I can handle.

With all the economic problems going on now-a-days why aren't more people pissed off and marching in the streets? Well Ireland has had enough and they are taking it to the streets. Is America next?

In video game news, nerds are sore losers. That is not breaking news that is just fact, however some nerds are getting so pissed they are messing with your Xbox 360 internet connection.

In sports news the Celtics cruise by the Suns, and the Miami Heat get spanked by the Orlando Magic. NBA.com

Former LA Angel Garret Anderson signs with the Atlanta Braves.

Michael Crabtree has a stress fracture in his foot, but will workout in the NFL combine then will have surgery to fix the foot. This guy is going to be a freak but he is forced to workout in this pointless exercise because if he doesn't he would lose millions of dollars. If his career gets sidetracked the NFL is to blame.

Then there is this...

That is all...Now leave me with my thoughts.

Its Oscar Night!

2009-02-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that tonight is Oscar night and by "everyone" I mean gay dudes and women that are dating gay dudes. For us straight people we really don't give a rat's ass about the show because nobody saw any of these movies and all we care about is who was nominated for what and who won? If they really wanted people to care about this show they would nominate movies that people actually saw. Who the hell saw "Frozen River" or "The Reader"? Also what the hell is "Revolutionary Road", I was too busy watching "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" 7 times.

Well since I'm good at using the Google I'm able to answer all your burning questions (for the burning sensation your getting in your pants, can't help you there). Also I will give you who I think will win.

Caution I didn't actually see any of these movies because I think movies now a days are crap. ON WITH THE PREDICTING! (my prediction in bold)

Best Actor

Richard Jenkins - "The Visitor"
Frank Langella - "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn - "Milk" (GAY!)
Brad Pitt - "Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke - "The Wrestler" People love comeback stories.

Supporting Actor

Josh Brolin - "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr - "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Doubt"
Heath Ledger - "The Dark Knight" People also love dead Actors
Michael Shannon - "Revolutionary Road"

Best Actress

Anne Hathaway - "Rachael Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie - "Changeling" I mean its about time, plus everyone hates Kate Winslet.
Melissa Leo - "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep - "Doubt" (anyone saw this movie)
Kate Winslet - "The Reader"

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams - "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz - "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Viola Davis - "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson - "Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei - "The Wrestler" I'm partial to big nipples

Best Film

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"Frost/Nixon"
"Milk"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire" Because if it doesn't win I think we are going to invade India.

Oscar Nominations

Alright that's enough for one day I need to go outside and see what daylight looks like.

Get your Funyuns Ready!

2009-02-22T12:38:00.000-08:00

The raging debate!!! Continues to rage...

"In a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey, Americans are closely divided on the question of whether marijuana should be legalized: 40% say it should be, while 46% disagree. Fourteen percent (14%) are not sure which course is better." Rasmussen Reports.

Alright 40% that's not too bad huh pot heads?

"Nearly half of men (48%) say pot should be legal in this country, but just 34% of women agree. The plurality of women (49%) oppose legalization." Rasmussen Reports.

What the fuck!!! Jeez its always women that are killing all the fun. Like this one time I was out on a date with this chick and I thought we were having a good time. I was taking her to Cabo in this nice ride I just picked up, but she was like "NOOO Please don't shoot me I'll do whatever you want!" Man I had a lot of sex that night...I did find it weird she kept wanting me to call her Jerome.

Christian Bale on "Family Guy" Uncensored

2009-02-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

Since I'm in the tirade mood today here is the Christian Bale audio tape of him flipping out. However to make it more fun its from the "Family Guy" episode that aired a few weeks back. Its the same tape but the creators spliced in some Peter Griffin. Enjoy.

Jim Calhoun

2009-02-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

So here is a video of Connecticut Head Basketball Coach going off on some reporter.

Happy Sunday!

Heh? Did You Say Something?

2009-02-22T12:03:00.001-08:00

So it turns out your Ipod will make you deaf. Let me be one of the first to say...WHAT? SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER FALL OUT BOY!

"The study found that teens not only tend to play their music louder than adults but, often, are unaware of how loud they're playing it. In fact, when teens are pressured by friends or family to turn down their iPods, they do exactly what you'd expect teens to do — the opposite. " Ipod Safety

You must be joking kids always listen to adults. What are you talking about?

Personally I hope all those punk kids go deaf I'm sick of these bastards being...um BASTARDS! This way I can cut down on the talking and go straight to the punching and the kicking.

Hottie of the Day

2009-02-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

So today's Hottie of the Day is none other than Ines Sainz. This hottie is a "Sports Reporter" for Azteca TV in Mexico. Many of you may know her from Super Bowl Media Days. Every year she shows up and drives everyone mad...I'm sure its because of her sick broadcasting skills.

I'm on Twitter

2009-02-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

So back in the day ( I think it was a Wednesday) I was looking for a way to stay connected to the people so I thought MySpace was a good idea which it was until they sold out. Well anyway I am now on Twitter so look me up https://twitter.com/DAlen3311

OMG Bill Cosby has Dementia!

2008-10-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Cosby ESPN
by bsap11

This was shown during last night's game between Ohio University and the Temple Owls. Wow, comedy legend ladies and gentlemen.

Its The WOOOOOOORLD SERIES!

2008-10-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

Yep the whole world will be watching this and by the "whole world" I mean Philadelphia and Tampa. Listen as a die hard baseball fan I love this series. The Rays have a great pitching staff and the Phillies have a lot of power in their line-up, also it'll be interesting to watch how much of an advantage each stadium will bring the home teams.

For the casual fan this is not the most sexy match up so I have come up with a sweet drinking game for those that don't seem too interested. Prepare yourselves your favorite shot and get ready to down one every time the following words are said: Eva, Catwalk, Cowbell, Tugg McGraw (double shot), Devil, and Flying Hawaiian. I guarantee you'll be hammered by the third inning.

Rays in 7.

Top 5 Fantasy Players Week 7

2008-10-21T21:48:00.001-07:00

Lets move on to the receivers. Its been a crap shoot with the wide receivers this year. Lots of big time players are struggling and others are making names for themselves. Here are the ones that had the best week. Top 5 WR (Based on points)

5. Randy Moss - Last season Randy was the #1 receiver all year even on bad days this guy found himself in the endzone. This year has been a different story and until Matt Cassel figures it out, Randy is going to continue to be pedestrian. HOWEVA when Champ Bailey went down on Monday night Randy broke out with 2 TDs. More on Moss next week with my mid-season report.

4. Steve Smith - I was watching the Saints and Panthers this past week and when Steve Smith made that catch in the endzone between two Saint defenders I was convinced, that Smith is the greatest WR under 6' in NFL History. This guy is small but fast, strong, crafty, and tough as nails. If Steve Smith were 6'3" he would be the best EVER! I like the Panthers' chances if Smith continues to make plays like the one he made on Sunday.

3. Andre Johnson - This guy is just phenomenal! If Andre Johnson played in Dallas and not Houston Terrell Owens would be the #2 guy. Johnson just makes plays week in and week out and no one seems to notice because he's not a loudmouthed diva. Well I've noticed that he's just had 3 straight awesome games! After a little bit of a slow start Andre is back to being possibly the best receiver you've never heard of.

2. Antonio Bryant - He's got the size, speed, and skills to be a good receiver he proved it on Sunday night by having a great game he just lacks the consistency to do it all the time. Bryant sometimes is unstoppable and then other times he disappears. Lets hope that he's gained more confidence after John Gruden has said that he will remain the starter even when Joey Galloway returns from injury.

1. Calvin Johnson - If the Lions can ever figure things out and turn that franchise around, they have the next Jerry Rice. While watching Johnson just glide from endzone to endzone after that 96 yard TD pass from Dan Orlovsky its easy to see why the Lions traded Roy Williams to the Cowboys. Calvin Johnson is an elite talent and he is being wasted in Detriot.

Alright lets get to top 5 tight ends for week 7 (based on points)

5. Tony Gonzalez - I feel bad for this guy, quite possibly one of the best tight ends ever and the Chiefs have sucked for a while now. Would have been nice to see him in a Giants uniform. Expect more Tony in Week 8 because with LJ missing this game it will be up to him and Dwayne Bowe to carry the offense.

4. Dallas Clark - This guy is schizophrenic, one week he is posting decent numbers for fantasy owners, then the next he vanishes. I've never trusted Dallas Clark.

3. Visanthe Shiancoe - I'm not going to lie I don't know anything about this guy other than he plays for the Vikings. His fantasy numbers are nothing to get excited about and he's had some decent weeks. I think this week he benefitted from a wild affair in Chicago, dont expect too much from him the rest of the way.

2. Greg Olsen - 3 out of the last 4 weeks Olsen has put some decent numbers. The Bears dont throw to the tight end much but when they do Olsen has answered the call. I think Olsen can be a good tight end in the NFL eventually.

1. Owen Daniels - He's been a solid target for the Texans this year and he will continue to be one all season.

Alright those were your top 5 fantasy football performers for week #7 based on points. Check back later on this week for my fantasy starters of the week and predictions.

Top 5 Fantasy Performers of Week 7

2008-10-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

Another NFL weekend has passed and now its time to answer the important questions...Will the 49ers be better off with Mike Singletary? Who cares? How will the Dallas Cowboys bounce back after an embarrassing loss? NO!!!! Who is the best team in the NFL? Hell no...the real question is...How did my fantasy team do? Well Skippy it ain't pretty...Next week I will give my mid-season review. This week here are your top 5 performers in Fantasy Football. (Based on points earned)

Top 5 Running Backs

5. Dominic Rhodes - This one is no surprise to me. With Joseph Addai and Mike Hart out with injuries Rhodes was my top RB this past week. He knows the offense and Peyton trusts him.

4. Adrian Peterson - No shocker here. "All Day" Peterson will make everyone's top 5 lists for the next 7-10 years. Plus he owns the Bears

3. Mewelde Moore - Mr. Moore made fantasy owners very happy this week with a nice performance. Two touchdowns and 120 rushing yards, granted it was against the Bengals so I won't expect Mewelde to do this every week but as long as Willie Parker remains hurt he is a nice fantasy option.

2. Lendale White - Fat boy is having a very nice season. He may not get the yards but he gets those TDs(three this past week). However Fat boy squashed the Chiefs with 149 yards on the ground included in there was an 80 yard run.

1. Steven Jackson - I think the firing of Scott Linehan will have the biggest impact on Jackson. Linehan likes to throw the ball and Jim Haslett likes to run it. So expect more games like these from Jackson. I think the Rams will be a better team in the second half of the season and Steven Jackson will be the reason why.

Top 5 Quarterbacks (Based on Points earned)

Its been a weird year for the QB and this week's top five should prove that.

5. Ben Roethlisberger - two TD passes and no INTs is a great game for Big Ben who does have the tendency to throw a pick every now and again. No big fantasy numbers this year but you'll get a nice game out of him more often then not.

4. Matt Cassel - You'd think if you had Randy Moss and Wes Welker to throw to you'd be the top QB in the league but that has proved difficult for Cassel this year. Monday night however he looked very impressive against a weak Denver defense and was able to throw 3 TDs. I think Cassel is going to continue to struggle especially when they take on tougher defenses. Denver is not a good team, despite what you see their offense doing.

3. Kyle Orton - Orton has steadily improved every week this year. It helps to have Matt Forte in the backfield but Kyle has led the Bears to some impressive wins this year and if the running game stays consistent Chicago can find themselves in the hunt later on this season.

2. Dan Orlovsky - The only reason this guy is on the list this week is because of a 96 yard touchdown he threw to Calvin Johnson. The Lions are an embarrassment this season and is my pick for worst team of 2008.

1. Jeff Garcia - Nice game for Jeff, he had a favorable match-up going up against the struggling Seahawks and he made some nice throwns to Antonio Bryant. The Bucs however dont have enough fire power to really scare anyone so I expect them to falter against teams that have better defenses. Sure the Bucs can beat most, if not all, of the lesser teams but they are by no means a good team. They are a nice team.

Those were your Top 5 running backs and quarterbacks for week #7.

Later on wide receivers and tight ends, and maybe some football talk (HEY!) PEAS!

Video of the Day

2008-10-21T15:49:00.001-07:00

This video has been making the rounds all over the blog-o-verse and it is, HILARIOUS!!!

That is SEC official Wilbur Hackett Jr., a former linebacker for the University of Kentucky back in the late 60's, making the tackle on Gamecocks' QB Stephen Garcia. SEC officials have already commented on the play saying that "He [Hackett] was defending himself by raising his arms."

Yep whenever I wanna protect myself I like to give an unsuspecting bystander a forearm shiver. Got to get them before they get me, is what I always say. Looked like Ol'Hacky had a flashback and forgot he was the Ref.

Vote for me Round 2

2008-05-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me in the first round you guys ROCK! Now once again I need your support its round 2 so vote for me again. Click on my name below to vote. Thanks.

DAVID ALLEN

My Balls are Bouncing

2008-05-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well the NBA Draft lottery came and went and the Chicago Bulls emerge victorious as they secure the #1 pick. The Bulls had a 1.7% chance of winning. The Miami Heat who had the best chance of getting the #1 pick at 25% will pick at #2 and the Minnesota Timberwolves will pick at #3.

The rest of the order is as follows:

#4 Seattle Sonics
#5 Memphis Grizzlies
#6 New York Knicks
#7 LA Clippers
#8 Milwaukee Bucks
#9 Charlotte Bobcats
#10 NJ Nets
#11 Indiana Pacers
#12 Sacramento Kings
#13 Portland Trailblazers
#14 Golden State Warriors

15-30 here.

Video of the day

2008-05-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Here is your video of the day. Why this video? Well because I love boobs...Who doesn't?

Hottie of the Day

2008-05-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

Due to some technical issues (forgot to pay for the internet) I wasn't able to post yesterday. However I'M BACK don't wet yourself with excitement. Anyway today's Hottie of the day is none other than Nadine Velazquez. She plays Catalina the uber hot motel maid on the NBC show "My Name is Earl"

Alright on to the real reason we all love her.

Coming Back

2008-05-18T10:28:00.001-07:00

So I know I've been a lazy asshole and I haven't updated the site in a while, but back off bitch I got things to do! Anywho I'll be back tomorrow with a big (small) roll-out. All your favs will be back. Video of the day, hotties, funny shit and anything else I find interesting.

See ya tomorrow, you don't have to go home but you gotta get the hell outta here. In the meantime enjoy some hand vagina.

VOTE FOR ME!!!

2008-05-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

Whats up guys I know I haven't updated the blog in a few days... No reason its just because I've been busy and lazy at the same time if that makes any sense ANYWAY!! I have entered a Contest on KLAC in Los Angeles. Its called Fame and Fortune 2. They are looking for the next great amateur sports host and I was selected as one of the contestants. Winners are determined by votes so go to this link and vote for me. David Allen. They misspelled my name but its all good. VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

VOTE David Allen
VOTE David Allen
VOTE David Allen
VOTE David Allen

Click on all those to vote for ME...DAVID ALLEN

Once you vote you must check your Email to validate your vote so it will count. HELP ME WIN and if do, I will Heart all you guys forever!!!

Video of the Day

2008-05-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

This year the NBA playoffs have been real physical and we've had some tough contests. The only complaint I have are those stupid split screen commercials. I have to admit at first I thought they were cool, interesting, and pretty original. However that changed quickly when the NBA marketing staff was too lazy to write more than three scripts, then we saw the guys saying the same thing over and over. The commercials just became lame and annoying. Well my friends leave it to Adam Sandler to give us a nice little spoof of the commercials along with "Hollywood" Baron Davis (trying out a new nickname)

Hottie of the Day

2008-05-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today's hottie of the day is the vivacious Jenna Fischer. Most if not all of you may know her from the hit TV show "The Office" as the lovable Pam. She's also been in "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story."

Some bio facts on Jenna:

"Birth name: Regina Marie Fischer"

"Worked as a receptionist in various offices. Types 85 WPM with 90% accuracy." (Man can you imagine what those fingers are like on your nuts.)

"Considered becoming a veterinarian due to her love for animals; ultimately opted for working with Kitten Rescue and being the proud owner of a dog and a cat." (She loves the pussy)

"Fractured her back in four places after falling down a set of stairs at the NYC bar, Baddakan, on May 15, 2007." (She knows how to party)

On to the real reason we all love her.

Whats happening today?

2008-05-08T15:44:00.000-07:00

So what the hell is going on today? Seriously I'm asking you because I have no idea...

Loads of MLB action today.

In the NBA its game two of the Cavs and Celtics. Lets hope these guys can bounce back after a God awful game one. LeBron James is looking to rebound from a 2-for-18 night and Ray Allen is going to try and score at least one point. You can catch that game at 7 pm over at ESPN. Celts up 1-0

At 9:30 the Hornets and the Spurs play game 3 of their series. New Orleans' youth so far has been too much for the old Spurs but they are back home and are looking to get back into it. That game also on ESPN. Hornets up 2-0

HOCKEY!!! Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals Dallas Stars VERSUS The Detroit Red Wings. If you can find the game you can watch it a 7:30 pm.

If sports ain't your thing then whats on TV Tonight?

This is what the Networks are bringing you:

ABC:
8pm "Ugly Betty" (I had a GF in high school that they called ugly whorebag, wonder why?)
9pm "Grey's Anatomy"

CBS:
8pm "Survivor Micronesia--Fans Vs Favs" (I nearly didn't survive writing all that out)
9pm "CSI"(How many of these shows are there)

FOX:
8pm "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" (Nope)
9pm "Don't Forget the Lyrics" (Does anyone remember this show is still on?)

NBC:
8pm "My Name is Earl" (Jason Lee will always be Pickle Fucker to me)
8:30pm "Scrubs"
9pm "The Office" (Steve Carrell love that guy. Yes in that way) ;o)
9:30pm "30 Rock"

So a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar...Ah you don't wanna hear that get the hell outta here you crazy kids.

5 (or so) things to check out

2008-05-08T07:39:00.001-07:00

Here are some things you guys should check out today.

Charles Barkley is one of the most refreshing and honest analysts out there but he is also a dumbass.

Not far from dumbassery is former Celtic, Sonic and now Cavs guard Delonte West going on a possibly herpes induced rant.

Continuing on our dumbass streak the Cincinnati Reds mascot lost his head over Joey Votto hitting 3 homeruns.

The Chicago Tribune got a hold of a photo of Cedric Benson on his boat right before the cops beat and pepper sprayed him.

Then their is this video from one of my favorite childhood cartoons.

Fat Guy in a Little Coat

2008-05-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

Andy Reid is fat, I mean really fat. Its a miracle that during an Eagle game he hasn't whipped out a cheesesteak and devoured it right there as he calls the plays. For fat guys all they want to think about is eating so Reid must be extra pissed off this morning that he had to skip breakfast for this crap...

"Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid's son was sent to state prison after admitting he smuggled 89 prescription pills into a county jail. Garrett Reid pleaded guilty to drug smuggling charges on Wednesday and faces a minimum of two years in state prison." Miami Herald

What? Your not supposed to smuggle drugs in jail? How else are the inmates going to suppress the pain of getting anally raped?

Stuff That happened Today

2008-05-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

"Wow what an exciting day" is what I would have said had this day been exciting but its just another day.

Lots of MLB action today.

Some guy name Votto nailed three homers today for Cincinnati. He was just doing his part as the Reds nailed SEVEN homeruns to blowout the struggling Cubs.

Barry Zito continues to steal money from the Giants by losing AGAIN.

Finally, Mike Lowell hit his second homerun of the season in a loss to the Tigers. Its official Mike Lowell has more homers than balls.

In other Mike Lowell related news he has a new book out called "Deep Drive."

Some rejected titles for Lowell's book: "Ball One" and "One Bat, One Ball."

In NBA action the Magic finally got their money's worth out of Rashard Lewis who had a big night to help Orlando defeat the Pistons. Chauncey Billups left the game early when he tried to do a split on the court for some reason and hurt his hamstring. After that the Pistons became retarded for 10 minutes then remembered they were playing a basketball game, but it was too late.

As I type this the Lakers lead the Jazz in the 3rd quarter 78-66 in a game I am pretty sure the Lakers will win because the Jazz can't win a game on the road even if you kidnap all their wives. However to be fair sometimes you want your wife to be kidnapped. Speaking of guys that want their wife kidnapped, Kobe Bryant received his MVP award before the game.

In other NBA News as I watched tonight I noticed that LeBron James has a new commercial and I can't help and think about his game last night 2-for-18 shooting... Yep great time to debut a new commercial. If you haven't seen it here it is.

Bloggin' From The Florida Marlins Game

2008-05-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

From time to time I might let you bastards in on my life because I don't want this to be one of those lame blogs about my life and what I do and all that. Not that I don't love reading those blogs because its a good way to stalk someone without having to climb on trees. Well anyway tonight I am at a Marlins game doing my "job." I work for a local radio station in Miami, FL as a remote engineer and member of the media so if your looking at this site wondering "what the hell does this guy know?" Well buddy I know a lot. Any who here are some pics I took tonight. Enjoy or don't I don't care, what do I look like your dad? **UPDATE Marlins won 6-2**

Hottie of The Day

2008-05-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

Today's hottie is non other than Maria Menounos because I heart her. She's been in "Kickin' it Old School" and "Fantastic Four." Some other interesting facts about Maria Menounos are the following:

Was Miss Massachusetts Teen USA 1996.

She is of Greek descent. (I wonder if she likes anal?)

Speaks Greek fluently (Yep she does)

Owns the solid gold and pearl handled revolver that Elvis Presley gave to Jack Lord.

Avid Professional Wrestling fan. Former WWE Champion Bob Backlund has been both a friend and part time bodyguard. (wrestling nerds the world over are overjoyed but you'll still never bang her)

Worked at Dunkin Donuts, making and selling donuts through junior high and high school. (How many times do you think she heard "I wanna eat your donut" probably never because that was lame.)

Check the rest out and here.

Now on to the real reason we all love her.

WHOOPS!

2008-05-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

Maybe its time to use an hour glass those babies are always working

"After reviewing the video of last night's Pistons-Magic game, we determined that the play that concluded with Chauncey Billups' 3-point field goal at the end of the third quarter took approximately 5.7 seconds," Litvin said in a statement. "Because there were only 5.1 seconds remaining in the quarter when the play began, the shot would not have counted had the clock continued to run." AP

Ok so let me do some math here. 100 minus 3, carry the one...plug in the variable. F(x) = Van Gundy looks like a porn star. Magic scored 93 equals Magic still lost.

Waah get over it Stan Van Jeremy.

Whats going on today?

2008-05-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

On ESPN tonight you can catch the Indians and the Yankees 7 pm. Then next week you can catch "Cooking with the Yanks" if that doesn't sway you don't miss "Home Makeovers with the Yankees." Next fall on ESPN catch the new hit comedy "Derek and Me", starring Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. ESPN your home for Yankees baseball.

8 pm on TNT Pistons-Magic game 3. Lets hope the officials bring their stopwatches for this one.

10:30 pm on TNT Jazz-Lakers game 2. Tonight before the tip off watch as Kobe smugly accepts his MVP award.

If you feel like watching a sport that no one is watching anymore tune to ESPN2 at 9 pm.

If sports ain't your thing then whats on TV Tonight?

Not a dam thing! Seriously Wednesday has to be one of the worst nights of television.

However if you insist on watching TV tonight here is what the networks are bringing you.

ABC:
"Wife Swap" 8 pm (My neighbor does this everyday but he calls it something else)
"Super Nanny" 9 pm

NBC:
"Deal or No Deal" 8 pm (Watch as OCD sufferer Howie Mandel avoids all types of contact with the contestants)

CBS:
"Price is Right: Million Dollar spectacular" 8 pm (it doesn't mean they are giving away that much, thats just Drew Carey's salary per show)
"Criminal Minds" 9 pm

FOX:
"'Til Death'" 8 pm
"Back to You" 8:30 pm
"American Idol" 9 pm (Boo!)

Writer's Choice:
"Going Postal: 15 Most Shocking Acts of Violence" E! 8 pm

Your Video of the Day

2008-05-07T09:44:00.000-07:00

Pittsburgh Slims - "Girls Kiss Girls"

Check back in a few, for your Hottie of the Day and to see whats happening today. Also check my archives for cool shit you may have missed.

In the meantime leave me the hell alone. Jesus I hate it when you get all clingy

CREEPY!

2008-05-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

So this guy has to be the creep of the year.

"Josef Fritzl, 73, imprisoned Elisabeth in the cellar in 1984, when she was aged 18, but police revealed that he had started planning the dungeon as early as 1978.

The moustachioed septuagenarian, dubbed a "monster" in the Austrian press, received planning permission to extend his house at 40 Ybbsstrasse in 1978, and worked on it for five years.

Fritzl has confessed to imprisoning and raping his daughter, now 42, and will be interviewed by investigating prosecutors later this week, possibly Wednesday or Thursday, spokesman Gerhard Sedlacek said." AFP

You know what they say if you love something, build a dungeon in your basement and rape it for 24 years. Then let it go and if it comes back rape it again.

Words to live by I say.

Start Saving Now

2008-05-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

What costs $3 million dollars and no one gives a crap about? No not that.

That'll be a commercial for the super bowl.

"The $3 million mark has never been the starting price for a commercial at the Super Bowl, though individual slots have sold for that much before, the report said.

Prices to buy a 30-second spot for the 2008 Super Bowl averaged $2.7 million, it was reported earlier." Reuters

Alright lets see, if I diversify some funds, move some things around, punch my nephew in the face and take his allowance, smash my goddaughter's piggy bank. That will still leave me as a broke douchebag.

5 (or so) Things to check out

2008-05-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

Everyone's favorite tight end...No not Kim Kardashian. Washington Redskins' Chris Cooley was on the Blog Show and he talks about his hot fiance, beer bongs, and overpaid NFL Rookies. With Leather.

Randy Moss found a nice filly to ride at the Kentucky Derby.

Here is how to apply for the NBA Draft. Awful Announcing.

Basketbawful's Word of the Day. Mario

Sid Rosenberg's website is something else. Don't call him a Hein because he'll slit your throat.

Wednesday Morning Cleveage

2008-05-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

Note to self Corona and Tequila are GREAT!!! My cinco de mayo was hang overly great. However I did not post yesterday and as a way of making it up to you here is a great set of mammaries that I had dubbed "Rack of the Day" Thanks to my boy Alan Strauss for taking the pic enjoy.

More later...

Your Video of the Day

2008-05-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

So I was killing some time before I went to go look at all my porn and I stumbled across a sweet video at SbB.

"Would a slice of pizza change your mind?" That sounds eerily familiar.

Also thanks to Awful Announcing.

Whip Out Those Sombreros!

2008-05-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Alright I get to get piss ass drunk today and nobody will be pointing and laughing! Listen I didn't know that you were supposed to spit the wine after five secs into some new fangled spittoon. The important part is that the wine server guy has forgiven me.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

First some fun(?) facts about Cinco de Mayo

"Cinco de Mayo means 'The Fifth of May'" (Phew glad they cleared that up)

"Guadalajara, Mexico’s second largest city, is where the Mexican Hat Dance, sombreros and mariachi music are believed to have originated." (Thank you Guadalajara)

"A Mexican cowboy is called a 'charro.' A Mexican rodeo is called a 'charreada.'" (Mmm charreada)

Check out the rest of the facts here.

Now we can't have a great celebration without some food and beer.

"Serve extremely thin corn tortillas, historically signaling the most elite of the upper crust, and bypass the Corona beer in favor of Negro Modelo or Tecatethe brews that Mexicans think you should be drinking anyway." (Good enough for Mexico good enough for me)

"They say, 'Why do Americans buy Corona or Carta Blanca?' " (They have big shiny displays)

"He watches with interest as tortillerias bloom throughout Colorado and the Southwest, evidence that in less than 20 years, tortillas have become so assimilated into U.S. cuisine that sales are surpassed only by white bread." (Lesbians and white people oppressing someone! That article took a turn for the worse)

Read the rest here.

Whats a party without some nerds ruining our buzz.

"Today thousands of Americans will celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Mexican food and drinks, such as Coronas, margaritas and enchiladas. What they may not know is that Cinco de Mayo didn’t even originate in Mexico." (Dude your totally blowing up our spot! Dick!)

So what? Hallmark invented Valentine's Day. Yet not one woman in history has ever said "No I will not take that diamond necklace honey, this holiday is a shame!"

"The cash-register display blinks up party items: three dozen limes, four bags of chips, a 25-foot-long palm tree and ... six-pack after six-pack after six-pack of Corona beer. Finally, these words ring up on the register: "Are You Ready for Cinco de Mayo?" The TV commercial's implicit point? That Cinco de Mayo (May 5) is nothing but a time to get totally wasted."(I see no problem with that)

Alright now go do whatever the hell you want because frankly I don't give a damn.

5 (or so) Things To Check Out

2008-05-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

Whats the best way to bust out of a slump? For Dmitri Young its happy endings.

The next Erin Andrews?

Cedric Benson, drunk and pepper sprayed.

Soccer desperate for some U.S. attention now setting their players on fire.

Who is the sexiest woman on the planet? THE FINAL FOUR! Vote now.

My friend Jamie gives us the behind the scenes on the future Jim Carrey movie and eggplant. Cupcake Pajamas

John Bale Vs Door - Winner?

2008-05-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

Door by unanimous decision

"Royals left-hander John Bale won’t be returning to active duty anytime soon after breaking his pitching hand Friday night by punching a door at the team’s downtown hotel." KC Star.

Later on I think someone overheard John Bale talking how the door was dissing his girl.

Thx SbB for the pic

Hey My Bad Pizza Is On Me Dude

2008-05-05T04:23:00.000-07:00

So after dissing LeBron for the whole series now Papa Johns feels bad.

"Papa John's Pizza issued an apology to Cleveland and the Cavaliers for making T-shirts with LeBron James' number and the word "crybaby" under it.

To apologize, Papa John's will sell Cleveland residents a large, one-topping pizza for 23 cents on Thursday. The 23 is an homage to James' jersey number. The company also will donate $10,000 to the Cavaliers Youth Fund." AP

23 cents, plus tip, tax, delivery and processing fees equals $12.54. WOW still a bargin.

Top 5

2008-05-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

These are your Top 5 movies and songs of the past week. This will be a weekly Monday thing so...yea.

Movies

#1 "Iron Man" pulled in over $100. No surprise here, the real surprise would be if Robert Downey Jr doesn't go back to the heroin.

#2 "Made of Honor", thousands of nutless men are still waiting for the blow job their girlfriends promised for watching this movie.

#3 "Baby Mama" I wanna bend Tina Fey over and kick her straight in the ass then bang Amy Poehler.

#4 "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, and Jason Segal's penis perfect ingrediants for humor.

#5 "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" Pot = Comedy gold.

Check the rest of the list here.

Songs

#1 Leona Lewis - "Bleeding Love" WHO?

#2 Lil Wayne Feat. Static Major - "Lollipop" I love remakes of 50s songs.

#3 Jordin Sparks Duet w Chris Brown - "No Air" I would have called this one "No Talent"

#4 Madonna - "4 minutes" of my life I will never get back.

#5 Usher Feat. Young Jeezy "Love in this Club" thanks to RHB now everyone can have love in the club

Check the rest of the list here.

Shit that happenned on Sunday

2008-05-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Celtics finally decided to show up and they proceeded to gang bang the Hawks. I think the final score was like 1258 - 34. Or something like that. The Celtics now move on to the second round and host the Cleveland Lebronaniers starting on Tuesday night. Celtics in 7? Yea I'll stick with that.

The Jazz once again showed everyone how incompetent they are away from home and got smacked by the Lakers in game one of their second round series. I don't understand how the Jazz can be this bad away from home I mean what the hell? Do Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer have some one wipe their asses because I'm pretty sure they are retarded away from Utah.

Lots of MLB action today.

Hockey is a game enjoyed by Canadians.

This Sunday sucked...Come back later there will be other things on here.

D

Hottie of the Day

2008-05-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

Today's Hottie of the day is none other than Mayra Veronica. She was at last night's Marlins' game to throw out the first pitch and to give boners to anyone within a 30 yard radius.

Whats Going on Today?

2008-05-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Deadspin has your ultimate guide to today's sporting adventures.

Sports by Brooks keeps us update to date on the Reggie Bush law suit that not a soul cares about. I think if you have the last name Bush you can pretty much get involved in any scandal and no one will be surprised.

Cedric Benson RB Bears, drunk while boating then pepper sprayed.

Its now time to enjoy some Sunday Afternoon Boobage. (NSFW)

More later... D

OH GOD DWYANE WADE IS FUCKING STAR JONES!!

2008-05-04T01:28:00.000-07:00

Thats the kind of answer you get from someone that is fucking someone else but just doesn't want to admit it because he knows it will hurt his rep.

I hope its not true...all that loose skin...oh...I just had to hold back some vomit. Like I was saying I hope its not true. I mean come on Wade everybody is fucking Kim Kardasian I know you can get some of that action.

As for Star Jones... WTF Bitch?! All of a sudden that dude is not good enough for you? He seemed perfect 150 lbs ago. Hell that guy should be awarded the Medal of Honor for banging you when you looked like a rhino. Geez you'd think a person wouldn't change after they've had 90% of their stomach removed.

Shit that Happenned on Saturday

2008-05-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

There were a bunch of baseball games played.

The Hornets defeated the Spurs in a game that saw a 20 min delay between the first and second quarters because the Hornets mascot was a GENIUS! (Story below)

The Pistons defeated the Orlando Magic in I'm pretty sure a game that no one had any idea was being played today. Dwight Howard hurt his thumb all accounts from the game say that Howard was trying to touch that white crap in Rasheed Wallace's hair and jammed it.

Some horse that reminds people of doodie won the Kentucky Derby, another horse was killed on the track, and Hank Goldberg got fatter live on TV.

Some redneck drove his car faster than other rednecks.

The Olympic torch is now in China. Won't be long now till they use that bad boy to burn any dissidents.

Evidentially hockey season is not over yet...WHO KNEW?

I found out that Kennedy is still alive.

Oh and my dog ate a dead bird, then left it for me as a gift in the middle of the kitchen. I still love that bitch.

D

Dog chased by Crazy Celebrities

2008-05-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

Looks like a Baseball game broke out in the middle of a movie being shot.

"A backdrop to the Marlins beating the Padres, 6-4, on Friday night was the shooting of a scene for the upcoming movie 'Marley & Me,' starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson.

Friday was a "Bark at the Park" night for the Marlins, a promotion through which fans can bring their dogs to the stadium. And as it happened, a dog running on the field is part of a scene in the movie..." MLB

Wow two big time celebrities filming a movie during a baseball game. Why didn't anyone hear about this? Oh yea...No one goes to Marlins games.

Shit if celebrities want to get away from all the invasion of privacy they suffer from everyday they should attend Marlins games, can't get any more private and secluded than that.

D

Cheerleader Pics You May Have Missed

2008-05-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

You know since this site is in it's infancy stages I'd thought I would help it out by posting links to some sexy cheerleader pics. There have been a rash of these types of activities in recent memory. (YEA YEA we should all have this rash)

Recently the Arizona State University Cheerleaders partook in the underwear shanigans. With Leather has the Story and The Dirty has the pics.

The Sacramento King dancers? YES!

Don Chavez has some NSFW pics of an Indiana Cheerleader that goes beyond the panties.

I am sure more to come in the future.

D

You think what Ralph Sampson did was bad?

2008-05-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

Coaching boys should have been easy for this guy, but unfortunately his boner got in the way.

"According to Champlin Police, 23-year-old Phillip Franklin Chwialkowski allegedly sent inappropriate text messages to two 11-year-old boys. One of them attends Oxbow Creek Elementary School where Chwialkowski works as an Adventures Plus staff member.

One of the boy's parents found a message on his phone from Chwialkowski asking for a naked picture." KAALtv

You know this situation only brings one question to mind for me.

Why was I never hit on when I was a kid? Was I not cute and supple enough?

Five (or so) things you should check out

2008-05-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

1. Remember Daisy Fuentes? Give it a second...YEAH HER! Well she finally showed her boobs and to tell you the truth its like finally fucking a girl you've had a crush on for 10 years and mid bang you finally figure out that smell is her va-jay-jay.

For those that don't mind the smell you can check the pictures on one my favorite sites(NSFW) WWTDD.

2. Some Mexican guy at a soccer game nailed a cop with a bass drum. With Leather

3. Basketbawful has helped me come up with the new slogan for the NBA Playoffs. "The NBA Playoffs where thug tactics happen."

4. HOLY FUCK! Someone actually is considering having sex with Carrot Flop! Now I don't know if the girl in these pictures even had sex with him but for her sake lets hope he misplaced his prop suitcase. dlisted

5. My friend Dana is a reporter for 790 The Ticket in Miami, FL. She's on the Marlins beat right now and Dana gets the scoop straight from the players check out her blog right here.

6. Girls in underwear is always nice and its nicer when they are cheerleaders. SPORTS by BROOKS.

Also check out Ironman its awesome.

Look for more things to check out and coming soon other shit.

The Hornets Mascot is S-M-R-T...I mean S-M-A-R-T

2008-05-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

For this next post I think I'm going to reenact the New Orleans Hornets meeting between the PR staff and the Marketing team.

Marketing guy(MG) 1 - "Alright this is the first time in history that a basketball team from New Orleans has made it to the second round of the playoffs. How can we make a big splash?"

Mascot Douche(MD) - "Umm I can dunk a basketball through a ring of fire."

MG 1 - "PERFECT!"

MG 2 - "That doesn't sound very safe and maybe something..."

MG 1 - "QUIET YOU!"

MD - "Yea Dude, what can possibly go wrong?"

"Trouble putting out a ring of fire used in a mascot stunt caused a 19-minute delay during Game 1 of the San Antonio Spurs and New Orleans Hornets second round playoff series Saturday night." USA Today

Mascot Douche (a day later) - "Oh."

Hottie of the Day

2008-05-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

My Very first Hottie of the day will go to Hillary Duff. Did you think I was giving it to Miley Cyrus? What kind of sicko do you take me for Karl Malone? Listen just because I go by the Motto "if there is grass on the field play ball" Doesn't mean I own any underage porn or anything like that, that would be crazy.

Anyway Hillary has grown into a smokin' hottie and she deserves the honor. If you wanna see the rest of the spread check them out at on 205th.

Yea the Kentucky Derby is Safe for Horses

2008-05-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently today was the Kentucky Derby. How did I know that because I woke up this morning turned my TV on and who's mug do I see?

None other than Hank Goldberg. I've had the misfortune of being in the same room as this guy on multiple occasions and folks it aint pretty.

However he did bang Katie Couric back in the day, you know those days when Hank didn't need a mirror to find his penis.

Anyway so some horse named Big Brown (POOP) won the derby and escaped death. Because apparently if you finish second they kill the horse.

"The race was marred by the death of runner-up Eight Belles, who collapsed after the wire after fracturing both front ankles. The brave and massive gray filly, trained by Larry Jones and owned by Fox Hill Farms, was euthanized almost immediately on track." Salem-News

Both Ankles? Who was riding this horse Shaquille O'neal. Let this be a lesson to you kids, DONT LOSE!

Welcome!

2008-05-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

So this is it, my blog. Who's Buzz? That'll be Buzz Bissinger, he hates blogs. He wrote "Friday Night Lights" (the novel not the crappy NBC TV show) Buzz thinks blogs are cruel and are contributing to the dumbing down of the country. He said it on Bob Costas' show "Costas Now" as a part of a panel that included Deadspin's creator Will Leitch and for some reason Braylon Edwards was there. Buzz let Will have it read all about it here, watch it here, and get Will's final thoughts here.

Did Buzz bring up some good points? Yes. However his point was lost because of the cruelty he showed towards Will Leitch.

Once Buzz had some time to think he joined Dan LeBatard from 790 The Ticket WAXY-AM in Miami. You can hear the complete interview here.

One thing, what the hell was Braylon Edwards doing there? Right at the top Braylon was asked if he read sports blogs and if he blogged himself and the answer of course was "no."

If I were a producer of that show I think that would have been the first question I would have asked him BEFORE putting him on the show. I guess T.J. Houshmandzadeh wasn't available.

Does Buzz really hate my blog? I dont think so but I hope he will in the future. Will I contribute to the dumbing down of America? I think I've been doing that for 26 years so why stop now.

I'll be posting everyday (maybe) about a various amount of things. So enjoy.

I'm Out,

D